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[quote=Anonymous][quote]My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. He's been very, very slow to progress the relationship along. (A few examples:[b] I had to ask repeatedly to meet his friends and family [/b]after about a year of dating before it happened. [b]I had to request we start spending more time together [/b]instead of periodic weekend dates. [b]I've had to sit down and ask repeatedly where we're going. I've had to really steer the relationship.[/b]) He's anxious and cautious and doesn't really have any joie de vivre, so it's not that he isn't happy to be with me; he's just content with a different level.

In any case, he's been saying for a while that he wants to spend his life with me, which is great because I'd like to spend mine with him. [b]I asked[b] about 4 months ago if we should start talking about moving in together since that's the next logical step[/b]. He hesitated (as I expected he would), and he said he doesn't feel like he's ready for that. He said he still feels we have some things to work out.

Things have been going well, and I slipped a little picture and note in his laptop bag a few days ago. It was just saying "I love you. I miss you very much when I'm without you, and I get so much joy from being with you." I included a line that said I[b]'d like to revisit the idea of potentially moving in together this summer. He completely ignored it. [/b]I told him I hoped he liked his little note, and he said he did, but never said a word about anything else. T[b]oday, I told him I couldn't wait to curl up with him every night.[/b] He said, "We'll have that." I felt a little frustrated and told him I felt like a child that was being "promised" a pony by her parents. [b]He didn't say anything. [/b]

What do I do at this point? He always tells me he wants to spend his life with me. Do I sit down and force him to tell me when we're going to make that happen? I know him, and I know that won't go well. It never has in the past when I've pressed something. I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

OP here: We were having a conversation via text this afternoon, and [b]I told him I loved him and was really excited about our future together while wrapping up the conversation.[/b] He immediately said he was excited too, and that I was his best life. [b]I quickly followed up with, "Do you think we'll take serious steps this year to get that future?" He didn't respond for an hour[/b]. We were bantering back and forth, and then this message silenced him for a solid hour. Maybe he went to the store, maybe he needed to respond to an email. I don't know.

He finally said, "I think we will. We can talk about this more later tonight [b]if you want.[/b]"[/quote]

Honestly OP, do you want 20-30 years of this? DO you want to be doing this when there's financial issues, kids, aging parents, a possible move etc? Do have to sit tight, be anxious that every time you bring up a reasonable discussion about serious things he is annoyed and silent? and makes you think YOU are "wrecking' things?

I think you keep thinking that he's the tortoise and you're the hare and one day he's going to catch up with you and that's just "how he is" but somehow underneath it all, there's an equivalency between you two. But there's not and I don't think he will catch up.  You are fundamentally different, or are fundamentally different in your feelings OR capacity for intimacy within the context of your relationship.

Agree with others that you should have asked him last night what he wanted and then listened. In every example above, you are the one asking the questions, setting the agenda and he's halfway responding. Its time for him to lay it out. If I can't, or won't, you will have had your answer.

And, as so many others have chimed in, you are not the first or lasts woman in the position. So many of us have been in this position and regretted wasting as much time as we did 
[/quote]

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