Reply to Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP please get your own therapist. You need to talk through your anger over your spouse not acknowledging that the affair was wrong. Your couples' therapist can't take sides and you need someone working with you to deal with your own feelings. You need the space to rage and feel heard. You can't do this in couples' therapy without alienating your partner (who, by the way, doesn't seem to feel remorse anyway).

Also, see a lawyer. Your spouse may be playing along with therapy to appease you while quietly planning an exit strategy. Don't be played for a fool twice.[/quote]

This. So much this.

And the judge will not condemn or punish the affair either.

OP, you need to focus on what you can control, and that is NOT your spouse or the couples therapist.

Your feelings are so understandable and anyone who has been in your position knows how shitty it feels.

But now you need to get your ducks in a row in case this is a diversion to say "oh I tried" blah, blah. If your spouse is not even pretending to be remorseful, you need a lawyer and your own support system.

Some therapists will join the cheating or abusive spouse in gas lighting, if that is the issue, change therapists. But still, get your own and get a lawyer. If you do not work, focus on steps back to that. A friend who is a counselor warned me when going to couples counseling when I was in your shoes. There is a natural tendency to want there to be change, that means they are doing a good job. The partner who cheated and who may already have exit plans underway is not going to fill the changed role. So the focus of both can become you. My friend has been a therapist for a long time and said the dynamic does happen.

There are some good websites for wives who are being cheated on, I am blanking on the names but perhaps someone will chime in. If things do proceed to divorce, I found a meet up group that was super helpful in providing emotional support, practical advice and just companionship at an extremely difficult time. An affair can rock not just your marriage but your social group, which was an additional blow. Find a tribe, online or in person that can support you.

Someone once told me that you have power in any situation. You might not like your choices but it is still there. If you hand over your power by not focusing on what you CAN control, that is your choice and no one is responsible for that but you. This can be a time of huge personal growth through adversity, no matter how your relationship turns out. When in hell, keep going may be a useful motto. You cannot control what happens but you can control YOUR response to it. I wish you all the best, OP. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics