Reply to “You love them more than me now.” PPD in men.

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Reply to "“You love them more than me now.” PPD in men."

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[quote=Anonymous]Okay, this thread has gone off the rails. But I’ll say this.

I’ve been depressed. And I’ve had PPD. And I’ve been abused. I’ve never had twins. I did have a marriage that didn’t survive the child.

People give you a pass when you’re depressed. The cold shoulder isn’t abusive - your mental faculty causes you to react to normal situations in an abnormal way. A true chemical imbalance. I didn’t brush my teeth. I wasn’t lazy; I had no motivation. I didn’t want to shower or watch tv or read. It want that I was a boring person; I lost interest.

Depression is an illness. OP’s husband has a medical diagnosis for this condition, and a history. A life change, like a new child, or twins, can absolutely trigger an episode. Especially if it’s Major Depressive Disorder.

If people treated me the way some of you are treating OP’s DH, I would have shamed myself into Suicide. He expresses his fears and vulnerability to the person closest to him in life and strangers shame him?? You all are NOT supportive and DO NOT understand that mental illness isn’t some cop out of a behavior. It’s REAL. And it’s TOUGH. And talking trash about OPs husband is trashy.

Op, you’re amazing as a mom and wife from the tone of your posts.. but we all have a limit. It’s important that you not feel badly about protecting your sanity and continuing the good stuff. And there’s is a lot of good stuff — it’s great that he is engaged and I think it’s greT that he suggested time together because he prioritizes the relationship too. You guys are both learning the new ebb and flow and it won’t always be this intense.

I liked PPs suggestion(s) for:

Clinical evaluation with his dr
Caregiver support (nanny, sitter, relative help)
Local support groups for parents of twins for both of you 
Being kind to yourself
Being kind to your husband

The truth is that you won’t be able to support your DH the same as before, but that doesn’t mean you’re abandoning ship. Your DH will have to decide if he wants to try to lean more on other resources and grow, and not burden you to be the source of his emotional strength. I get that it will be a new dynamic - and maybe one that will change circumstances too much for his liking. This is why the couples therapy helps, but I think it’s too soon to burden yourself with that.

Dr visit, help with kids, try to find an hour for yourself a day, and try to find a time to talk to him.

You’ll be no good to anyone if you become stressed, depressed, can’t nurse, etc. you can’t take anyone until you take care of yourself.

Unfortunately you have coddled your husband — so asking your dh to take care of himself now when he never had to before, of course he will blame that on the one thing that changed (kids). But truth is he eventually needed to learn these skills anyway. Now more than ever.

Hopefully you two come out stronger for it in the end.

Hugs! Sorry you have to wade through stupid fighting and bickering. I don’t think your DH is abusive either. Just as scared as most new parents are .. maybe x 2. [/quote]

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