Reply to Daughter's Behavior Toward Parent/Family and Attitude vs Gratitude

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Op here.[/b]

[quote=Anonymous]I think she already knows that your relationship is transactional. [/quote]

That's not how I see it, and frankly that's not how it is from me.  If that's what she thinks then screw it.  I am here bending over backwards to connect with her even just a LITTLE.  I am patient, compassionate, and have provided her with everything she needs and beyond.  [b]All I have ever asked for is to be treated with kindness and included.  [/b]
[/quote]

NP.

The bolded is not true. Not even a little bit.

You've asked for a lot more than that. A lot of frankly unreasonable stuff. You expect her, basically an adult, to write thank you notes (who still does that??) to relatives that she didn't ask for gifts from, you expect her to talk to relatives on the phone (and even call them herself as an obligation that she simply accepts), you expect her to spend her apparently small amounts of precious time off with your distant relatives doing things isn't interested in doing. Yes, being polite is basic respect. She should acknowledge someone in the room, she shouldn't say nasty things to people, but you are treating her like a small child who is essentially your personal property and you can demand how and with whom she spends her private time.

She is an adult. She isn't interested in spending hours with people that are important to YOU. She is a person. She controls who she spends time with. Your relatives are not important to her. Who knows why. Maybe they remind her of you. But it's her choice. You can't demand to control her time and energy and then say "all I have ever asked for is to be treated with kindness". You honestly do sound like a control freak, and a dramatic one at that. That's why she wants to tell you nothing and wants to spend no time with you, and is rude when you force those things on her.

When do you think she should be able to choose who she spends time with? What age? Or never? Plenty of us are very nice people, never rude to anyone, and have no interest in spending time with people just because we share a bit of the same DNA.

You can't disrespect her and then expect her to bend over backwards to "respect" you.[/quote]

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