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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I don't have any good advice other than what's already been given but read your post and responses with great interest because we are going through something similar.  FIL died two months ago and it's been very hard on my MIL.  About 9 months before he died, they had just moved into a senior living community that sounds like your mother's -- very nice community with friendly people, activities, couple meals per day.  They had friends already there so they already had a bit of a community there.  MIL was the caretaker; FIL was the one who was completely dependent on her (I don't think he knew how to change the channel or operate the dishwasher; though I think he could manage trash).  We worried about how he would do if she died; we thought MIL would be fine.  She is ok; but all of a sudden she says she is scared of driving (she only drives to local places like the grocery store), she doesn't want to be social (she previously enjoyed getting to know others at her home); she says she can't walk very far (she used to be fairly active).  I think it is completely grief and depression.  We or other family members visit her every weekend (we live about an hour way), and we're just hoping it gets better.  I'd be interested to see how things go with your mom as time goes by; maybe this is a fairly common stage of grief and things improve with time?  [/quote]
Oh, wow.....very interesting. Quite similar to my situation in many ways. (And here I was concerned that people could identify me with the details: two daughters who lost their father a few months ago, with a dependent mother who moved to a new facility from AL facility two weeks ago. We are probably one in thousands.)

Interesting that even though your MIL was the caretaker, she become so much less capable once your FIL died- despite her relative independence before, due to grief and depression. What scares me more, hearing you say that, is that since my mom was always the dependent one, feeling loved only when she was being "taken care of," she needs that reassurance more than ever. I just hope that she doesn't all of a sudden find it difficult to get dressed, or walk.

Anyway, good luck with your MIL. I'd hope that since she was relatively capable beforehand, once the immediate and strong grief subsides somewhat, she'll get a bit better. Also, a big thing going for her, and that my mom doesn't have (yet) are established friendships with people already in the community.

Good luck.

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