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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your mother sounds a lot like my MIL. My FIL is still alive and incredibly capable despite being in his late 80s. He does every.single.thing for her, even sleeps on the floor at her command because she won't have him in the same bed or in a separate room. But even he is (FINALLY!) starting to get fed up and it's not pretty.[/quote]

Wait, what? Your FIL sleeps on the floor? WTF? Why the heck does he agree to that?? At the very least why not move two beds into the bedroom? I would LOVE you to start your own thread and talk more about what’s going on there and what the dynamics are!! You said he’s starting to get fed up? What’s happening and what’s he doing?? How do you and your spouse deal with it all?

OP, you can get aides for $25/hour or less. I’m curious, and sorry if you already said, but what’s your own life like? Partner, kids, friends, hobbies, etc.? You are in a very tough position and you have my sympathy.  I posted before but I’ll say it again: you should NOT spend your own retirement money to support your mother. I’m surprised your sister thinks it’s reasonable for you to risk being in a crappy nursing home in sacrifice to your mother’s demands.  And at some point the alternate weekends will be too burdensome. Do you all live in the same town?[/quote]
No, we live in different a different state - my sister 90 minutes away and me an hour away.

Both my sister and I are divorced, and we each have one adult child. We also have friends, but, just speaking for myself, I've been neglectful of my friends these past few months (more so than when my dad was living).

And no, I will not sacrifice my future security by using my own money to keep Mom off Medicaid. I've explained to my sister that other people do the opposite - they transfer money away to their kids to impoverish themselves and GET Medicsid to pay. They don't spend down their own money and then expect their kids to start paying.

To be clear, my mother has not said she wants this. She's not even thinking in terms of running out of money. It's my sister who brought up to me that if Mom runs out, we really should pitch in at that point. [/quote]

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