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[quote=Anonymous]Here's the thing- I can't fault his journey and nor should you. There is nothing less empowering than someone else assuring you that you are not empowered. Can you see that?

My DH is black and was not raised to assume that any lack of respect/problem/thing that he did not get /or any unwanted focus that he did get was because he was black. Even if it was.

When he got old enough to see racism he knew what it was, but it's not his go-to assumption about people or life if things don't work out. Having a healthy sense of an internal locus of control is not a bad thing. When the racist moments come, if he was raised this way, he will be self-actualized enough to not be hit hard by the realization, and can proceed with dignity.

To this day I've seen rare moments where (as a white person) I can tell a (white) stranger's first instinct is to respond to my inlaws based on their appearance. Then I watch the person's behaviour/attitude change as they see my inlaws behaviour. And whether or not my inlaws are aware in the moment of this person's values you would never know. Interactions like this change racists gut insticts/biases one at a time. I asked DH one time if it got tiring having to be overly careful and he said he was raised that way and didn't think about it. "I could be this person's only interaction with a person of colour- why would I abuse that or validate what they believe?" He likes being a person who changes peoples perceptions, which is cool. Maybe that's your nephew.[/quote]

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