Reply to Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job"

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Reply to "Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job" - s/o today's NY Times article"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I both are highly educated and had ambitious careers. We both had superiors who were at the top of their fields with kids who were out of control. Think Banker from HBS making millions married to law firm partner from Yale Law with kids who were looking at third tier colleges, drug addicts, etc. DH had one boss who was married to his work, got divorced but got the kids but outsourced all childcare and kids were an absolute mess. They were rude to dad and others.

When DH and I got married, we agreed we did not want that type of life where our careers soar and our family suffers. The best role model family we knew were a family whose father was well respected in his field, didn’t necessarily make the most and had a very well educated wife who stayed home with the kids. The dad was involved. The mom was involved. It was obvious the family came first.

DH is the breadwinner. He works 50-60 hours per week. I’d say he works late 2-3 times per week and very little on weekends. He comes home for dinner and is able to do afternoon sports the other days. He handles all sports on weekends. He is a very involved father.

I used to outearn DH when we got married. When we had kids, we were about even. Then I cut down and he went up. Now he earns seven figures and I work very very part time. I have considered going back full time but it is hard enough juggling 3 kids and their activities while I’m home AND have PT help.[/quote]

You clearly didn’t read the article. If you had you would have seen the point of the article is that you’re a new normal in white collar circles. [/quote]

This 9-page thread isn't about the article, it's about the particular situation op posted. [/quote]

OP was contrasting herself to the situation in the article. If you understood the premise you would have realized this was an entirely unhelpful contribution which amounts to “IDK I have the typical life described in the article” [/quote]

I used to outearn my husband. I actually worked in a more lucrative field. He just is at the very top of his field so he makes seven figures. I potentially could have earned more than him but I guess we will never know.

I do know a few dads who leaned out. They are not totally accepted unfortunately by the SAHMs.

One SAHD works out, cooks and does yard work while kids are in school. I have heard others comment how lazy he is. When he talks to babysitters, it seems like he is flirting but he is a good looking friendly guy. The dad isn’t very involved at school, probably because he doesn’t feel accepted. My child is friends with his and I have texted him while I was at school thinking he forgot or didn’t know. When I text him like I am inviting (I was Room Parent), he came.

There is one stay at home dad at our school who has a big job wife. I have never met or seen the mom. Kid is nice enough. Dad also doesn’t come to pta meetings or school events. He is very active in scouts.

I don’t think it is widely accepted for men to stay home yet.

We do know one guy who is retired at a young age. Both the dad and mom don’t work and both come to school events. I think people just view them as rich and don’t look down at dad.[/quote]

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