Reply to Police came saying they have a CPS report on me

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[quote=Anonymous]Also not reading the whole thing.

Cops showing up as opposed to CPS: that would be just to confirm where there is an imminent danger, injury to the child, etc. CPS will continue their own investigation.

It may be the counselor was required to report--the legal threshold AND how it is applied do vary, since there is probably NO state in which physically disciplining a child is illegal altogether, but spanking IS viewed differently than other kinds of hitting. Which is weird IMO.

I know of a PhD psychology professor who threw his 14 year old daughter across the room during an argument and did NOT get in any trouble (the girl, however, ended up going before a juvenile court judge after running away--to my house--after the argument). I know of someone whose kids were taken out of the house unlawfully (that part was determined in court proceedings) by an officer based on a CPS report by a ES teacher and instructions to the officer from the CPS worker. The report included 1 report of spanking (which turned out to have happened because the middle kid pushed his pre-school brother down a short flight of steps in their split-entry house) but ALSO reports of excessive discipline/control such as the 2nd grader not being allowed to prepare his own snacks in the kitchen and being restricted from TV when he didn't finish his homework. Seriously, that's the records the ES teacher was keeping and provided to police.

Now. If confrontations result in slapping your kid, you need some help keeping it together when you feel provoked. As for the counseling, I don't know. I know of a parent who pulled her daughter out of a counseling program (school/social services partnership) when the girl started saying she would quit smoking pot when her mom did--and nothing happened to that mom. But that mom--who should have been nailed by social services more than once--always got away with stuff because she wore church sweatshirts and got her church to vouch for her, they had NO clue she was a serial check forger, shoplifter, drug mule, and it turned out drug user.

But, if you find other counseling, inform any officials (including the school counselor if they have been having ongoing involvement) who become involved that you have done so. You need to be getting counseling as well.

Be careful how you communicate concerns about legal involvement to your kid. Depending on the situation, it is likely to feel scary to the kid although with some kids they might use that as a tool against the parent or might WANT outside people to become involved. What you need to do is explain to the kid in a RATIONAL way how the system is supposed to work to protect kids, that the kid should NEVER be afraid to ask an appropriate adult for help, and that his welfare is very important to you. Anything that could come across as coaching secrecy can backfire, but is also morally reprehensible.

As a SN parent I did have entanglements with child welfare systems as well as all the school people. I know very well that it is hard to find people who are really helpful, that horrible abuse of the bureaucracy can happen, that the (in theory) goal of protecting children can do terrible things to kids, that these systems are fraught with internal and external politics and you have to watch out, but the first order of business is to conduct yourself on the assumption that they are fair, their purpose is legitimate. Learn what the written rules are and hold them to those rules.

And, repeat, find some way to divert yourself from slapping the kid. [/quote]

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