Reply to Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

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Reply to "Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I will be in the minority. When our kids where in middle school, it was common to have some kids to stay for the after party sleepover. Nobody kept it a secret. It wasn't a big deal. It was, typically, two to five who would stay after a bigger party. Sleepovers were too common (at least once a week) to be considered something special.[/quote]

OP is not talking about Javing 30 kids come to a party and then having a sleepover with 3 girls.

She’s talking about inviting 11 girls to a party and HALF get to stay for the sleepover and half don’t. This is not a case of a best friend staying after the party. This is splitting the party in half based on who is a real friend and a pity friend. Most people would rather not be invited .[/quote]
I will reiterate. It happened a lot and it was not a big deal. It's not a pity friend,  it's a friend, aka a person to hang out with.[/quote]

DP  Look the op's dd thinks she is doing the B list girls a favor by merely inviting them to part of the party.  She is not.  Just because something happened " a lot" doesn't make it right.  My dd was invited and we had no idea it was also a sleep over party which she was not invited too.  Did she get over it?  Yes, but, then we knew this girl wasn't a friend.  She wanted more gifts or thought she was doing my dd a big favor.

We are not saying people can't handle not being invited but, we are saying that you can't have two different parties and it is mean and unfair.  If I had a friend who only invited me for appetizers and made me leave before the fun dinner party I would not feel honored that at least they included me.  I would feel insulted and wish they hadn't invited me at all.  Why pretend?  These b girls are mere acquaintances.[/quote]
I am not talking at all about whether people can or can't handle it. It's about a totally different mindset altogether: it's just not an issue. We didn't experience"invite the whole class" issues ever. Kids know that parents set the limitations for the party and work with them. If a parent said "X kids max for an activity and Y kids max for a sleepover" then kids work it out. They would arrange their own sleepovers. Most of the time, when I was picking up kids from a party, I would get one or two or three extra for the night. If they are fringe friends (or Facebook friends equivalent) then they are there for the party, just like the second cousin at your wedding. [/quote]

This is a whole different generation of kids and parents.  Everyone is easily offended and hurt, and very fragile.  [/quote]
My kids were in middle school not that long time ago. [b]By middle school kids should understand the different levels of friendship. "Invite everyone" is DCUM special. [/b] [/quote]

You guys are really tone deaf.  We are NOT saying invite the whole class.  We are saying the exact opposite.  What we are saying is don't invite the fringe girls and then EXCLUDE them from part of the party.  If you think that you can only handle six girls and those are her closest friends, great.  Invite ONLY those six girls.  Don't act like you are doing the other girls such a favor.  They can be friendly with each other but, then they will know that they aren't close intimate friends ( and that is ok)  In fact, as I've repeatedly said I would rather NOT be invited at all than only get the crumbs.

If you go forward with your plan op than it is mean.   When it happened to my dd we didn't say one thing to the hosts or the girl who did it.  Nor did I talk to anyone else who was at the party.  It wouldn't have done a thing to change it.  But, I did talk to my dd and it changed how we personally felt about the girl and her parents.  Just because someone does not complain does not mean they think it is right.

We decided to move on and let it go which is the reason we didn't mention anything.[/quote]

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