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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.  [/quote]

Yup this. I married into a similar situation OP. I loved the man. I loved the kids.  But I was always relegated to second place. I don’t mean  trivial things like Valentines dates vs school plays.  Or stuff like sex being interrupted by a nightmare or sick kid. No I mean stuff like pp mentioned , I mean that when my aunt who raised me became ill and passed away it was an actual argument if he would go to the funeral and support me or skip it for the first day of school.

Yes his kids are important but this doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like an afterthought.

Looking back I believed  I  went to fast with my ex because I was late 30s .

This could be a great thing, but take your time and really get to know him and what he expects your role to be.[/quote][b]

Maybe I'm weird but I think the first day of school is more important that your aunt's funeral. I don't have kids but I work with them. I assume you had other family at the funeral? [/quote]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to love the kids as well as him to make this work. He would have to respect that you are now their mom. Blended family next door is breaking up because dad overrides his new wife's perfectly reasonable household rules. Shoes off, wash hands, no jumping on sofa.  [/quote]

Yes his kids are important but this doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like an afterthought.

Looking back I believed  I  went to fast with my ex because I was late 30s .

This could be a great thing, but take your time and really get to know him and what he expects your role to be.[/quote][b]

Maybe I'm weird but I think the first day of school is more important that your aunt's funeral. I don't have kids but I work with them. I assume you had other family at the funeral? [/quote]

Pp said this was the aunt who raised her so basically a parent. Spouses go to parent funerals period.[/quote]

What? This is nuts. All that happens on the first day of school is parents take a picture. It’s NBD. Any grandparent or babysitter can do that. They’ll have the sand teacher, the sand classroom, the same classmates all year. I say that as a mom of two kids. I would absolutely attend a close family members funeral. The first day of school wouldn’t even register as a possible reason to skip it.

Some people are all about being helicopter parents. I see no value to that approach, I prefer to model independence and treating family with respect. [/quote]

Maybe if it was the first ever day of school (PK or K) and kid was really freaked out? Then I could totally see it. Remember that these are kids who have been through the trauma of losing a parent already; of course he coddles them. Also, "aunt who raised me" is a little different than parent depending on exactly what you mean, so he may not have "gotten" that aspect of it.[/quote]

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