Reply to Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My wife and I have had the discussion before hand that if either of us cheat we are NOT to tell the other.  It's pointless except to unload your guilt.  It's a double betrayal, first to cheat and second to needlessly burden your spouse.

Just leave him if you are going to tell him and make up a reason.  Don't create more drama it's just cruel.[/quote]
I'm curious about this agreement you and your wife have.  If she has been having an affair with someone for the past year, you just don't want to know anything about it?  You've agreed that if she's having an affair, she has no obligation to say anything?

Isn't that just an open marriage?  Or are you really only thinking of a one-night-stand type of affair? [/quote]

My wife and I get along well, co-parent well, have a decent sexual relationship, all about average to above average.  Two kids in elementary school, public school in an expensive but great area of D.C.  She is a SAHM.

What in the world would either of us do if the other cheated?  Divorce?  We couldn't afford two houses in the school district so we would sell the kids home, move somewhere else, create a shuttle schedule, divide the 401ks?  What a nightmare.  Not to mention the toll of divorce on kids.

Look, we are all attracted to others.  I have been tempted, I am sure she has too.  People make mistakes.  So what on earth would it do for either of us to confess?  Then the betrayed spouse has to live with the thought of their spouse screwing around or leave and destroy their future and their kids?  No thanks.  Keep it to yourself.  She feels the same.

Sure, I'd be pissed if she cheated, I'd be irate if she confessed.  Take it to the grave and step up on the BJs.[/quote]

That's great if you and your wife agreed beforehand to this arrangement.  Couple's are allowed to negotiate whatever sexual arrangements they want. That's consensual sexual behavior.

By contrast, I explicitly told my DH that I was only intetested in monogamy, both in our pre-marriage relationship and in our marriage.  He, however, cheated on me repeatedly unbeknownst to me.  When I found out and confronted him, he lied about what he'd done.  Those lies were incredibly disrespectful to me as an autonomous woman who has the capacity to deal with adversity and make decisions about my own life.

The cheating was bad enough, but the lies were even more destructive.

And he lied puely out of self-interest, while telling himself it was not to hurt me.  The lies are just another facet of the self-delusion and self-absorption that is the fundamental character flaw of a cheater.

Cheaters always think they can get away with it. My now exDH was completely shocked when I revealed the depth of what I knew.

OP, for once in your life, do the right thing, be honest and deal with real-life and its consequences.  It's the only way you can build anything meaningful. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics