Reply to Ex Wife getting married to guy she had an affair with--question

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP

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She is in a different state with her MAN.  What once bothered me does not anymore.  I get to be with my kids.

I looked over the retainer (anyone get a lawyer to look over their lawyer's retainer agreement--half joking) and will be signing it along with shipping her over a 5k check.
My lawyer will be pulling the case file and then sending her lawyer a notice of retainer.

This is fing crazy.  I didn't think I would be spending my fourth of July week working on this....

Once again, all advice appreciated.[/quote]

It's frustrating when the ex-spouse forgoes time with the children in order to spend it with new lover/spouse.  It's sad for the kids, who eventually figure it out even if you stay positive.  All I would say is that often a spouse is asking for custody just so they don't look like the "bad parent'.  They ask to move away with the kids and then, when you refuse, you are the "bad parent" who is separating them from their children.  They do these kinds of things because they are conflict-avoidant, the same reason they had an affair.  Rather than tell new man that she can't or doesn't want to move, she would like you to be the bad guy.  Rather than telling the kids they have to move to a new state, she would like you to be the bad guy.

IME, my ex indicated he wanted to have custody but then really never took the steps to take me up on it -- never made a bedroom for the kids, never picked a regular night to have them, often cancelled visitation, etc.  Ultimately, I never had to get into a custody battle with him, because I made it pretty easy for him to show up when he wanted (within a certain schedule).  I never complained when he cancelled, and it was just easier for him to not have custody.  He still got to see the kids enough to feel like a "good dad."

Your situation is a bit different because your wife has indicated she wants to leave the state with the kids, so you need to work with an attorney.  I never had an issue that forced me to get counsel (I was pretty sure ex would never leave the state with them.)

But, to the extent that you can just accept it without complaint when she gives up her time voluntarily, it will be better for you when you get to the point of contesting a move. [b] The more documented time you spend with the kids, the better for you.[/b] [/quote]

This makes OP a loser.  OP's ex has enough base hotness, even with two kids, to get with an AP. She decides to move out of state with AP, and can blame it on OP who refused to allow the kids to go out of state (as she knew he would).

AP is actually the huge winner. He gets to stay in his home base and maintain his career. He recognizes a SMV growth opportunity, and is cool enough to make her drop the husband and kids to be with him. Without the kids, he can upgrade her (say from a 6.5 to an 8.5 or a 9) with resources that would have gone toward supporting the kids. Personally I'd have her get new b***s along with having regular hair and salon visits for her and a personal chef and a female personal trainer for you both as YOLO, but to each their own.

Plus, when the kids DO come (to keep up appearances),  you can flood them with Instagram-story worthy special things as you're not having to deal with them day-to-day. Trips to Disney World, cruises where you can offload them from time to time to the onboard "camp", and the like. Left unspoken is the impression that life could be like this EVERY day except for OP. That's not true, of course, but you can't tell from Instagram  :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:  :mrgreen: [/quote]

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