Reply to Ex Wife getting married to guy she had an affair with--question

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP

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She is in a different state with her MAN.  What once bothered me does not anymore.  I get to be with my kids.

I looked over the retainer (anyone get a lawyer to look over their lawyer's retainer agreement--half joking) and will be signing it along with shipping her over a 5k check.
My lawyer will be pulling the case file and then sending her lawyer a notice of retainer.

This is fing crazy.  I didn't think I would be spending my fourth of July week working on this....

Once again, all advice appreciated.[/quote]

It's frustrating when the ex-spouse forgoes time with the children in order to spend it with new lover/spouse.  It's sad for the kids, who eventually figure it out even if you stay positive.  All I would say is that often a spouse is asking for custody just so they don't look like the "bad parent'.  They ask to move away with the kids and then, when you refuse, you are the "bad parent" who is separating them from their children.  They do these kinds of things because they are conflict-avoidant, the same reason they had an affair.  Rather than tell new man that she can't or doesn't want to move, she would like you to be the bad guy.  Rather than telling the kids they have to move to a new state, she would like you to be the bad guy.

IME, my ex indicated he wanted to have custody but then really never took the steps to take me up on it -- never made a bedroom for the kids, never picked a regular night to have them, often cancelled visitation, etc.  Ultimately, I never had to get into a custody battle with him, because I made it pretty easy for him to show up when he wanted (within a certain schedule).  I never complained when he cancelled, and it was just easier for him to not have custody.  He still got to see the kids enough to feel like a "good dad."

Your situation is a bit different because your wife has indicated she wants to leave the state with the kids, so you need to work with an attorney.  I never had an issue that forced me to get counsel (I was pretty sure ex would never leave the state with them.)

But, to the extent that you can just accept it without complaint when she gives up her time voluntarily, it will be better for you when you get to the point of contesting a move.  The more documented time you spend with the kids, the better for you. [/quote]

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