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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He put the items in the living room before school on purpose because he knew I wanted it decluttered for guests coming today. He was about to leave for school. If he didn’t move it then, I would have to move it. And in fact, saying, “Please clean your mess before dinner.” Just results in... him not cleaning his mess before dinner. I’m actually not a super authoritarian person in general. He’s going out of his way to be defiant and that’s what I need help sorting out.[/quote]

Oh, I would clean up right behind him... with a garbage bag.  And nothing would be replaced![/quote]

I really can't imagine making my kids clean up their school books before dinner, they have more homework.

I feel like there are some really OCDish people on this thread. [/quote]

Dude, it wasn't "school books" it was teen boy stuff. He comes into the house and leaves a trail of items in his wake including actual garbage. I'm fine with picking up an item here or there for him, but I would have to follow him around and be his personal valet or have the house be his personal garbage can if I didn't insist that he pick up things sometimes. My point was, if I say nicely, "Hey could you please pick this stuff up (at some point today)." He'll agree and then just not do it. Rinse repeat. And each time, I have to think about it, remember to remind him, negotiate with him etc. It's exhausting. I'm not in any way OCD btw.[/quote]

OP- I responded earlier that I think your son is engaging in oppositional behavior. It's more typical to test boundaries, assert independence, etc. It's another matter for him to argue over small things on a constant basis to the point where it disrupts your household or attempt to mess up your day by refusing to comply with a reasonable demand.

Here is a short article on it.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201706/does-your-child-or-teen-have-oppositional-defiant-behavior

If this describes your son, you need to tread carefully and get some therapy for him. A lot of these strategies here won't work because it's often embedded behavior (either neurological or hardwired through habit). Going toe-to-toe on something like this will escalate badly. I have a son with ADHD (younger) who can be defiant. When I start with authoritarian methods out of sheer frustration (as recommended in some of these posts) it goes sideways. A good therapist can give you strategies for dealing with this behavior. It's a very methodical approach. [/quote]

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