Reply to The Bachelorette 13- Rachel Lindsay

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think you can truly know how you're going to feel after 9 weeks unless you're actually in the process.  Better that he's cautious now than proposing and breaking up later.  [/quote]

I agree but if he isn't into Rachel, he should just take himself out like Brooks did with Desriee or other contestants that weren't feeling it.  I feel like he is giving her just enough to keep her coming (or himself in the running to be the next bachelor) but not enough she would pick him.  To me, being on the same page about the pace of the relationship is important to being compatible.  If he really needs more than 9 weeks to be willing to propose and isn't open to the possibility it could happen to him like it did his,parents that have been married for 35 years or so, he could be on a dating show like BIP that has less of a commitment, or date someone younger that isn't to settle down anytime soon, or find someone that doesn't care if they live together and don't get married.

There was a great post from Ask Caroline years ago about ultimatums and marriage.  I can't remember how the woman phrased it but it was so spot on, like she didn't want to beg the guy to marry her or pressure him to do so if that wasn't what he wanted.  She wanted to be married some day and to have children and if those weren't the things he wanted, she wanted him to let her go to find that with someone that did want those things.  It's not about compromising, it's like Rachel tweeted that it's about finding the person that wants the same things as you and wants them with you.  My mom likes to say that love is not always enough.  What if Peter had said that he doesn't want kids while Rachel said she wanted to be a mom?  Neither is wrong but it isn't fair to ask Rachel to give up on her dream of motherhood or to have Peter have a child he doesn't want.  The right answer is to move on to someone on the same page.[/quote]

While I agree with what you're saying, I think it's on Rachel to cut it off at this point. The guy is being honest about where he's at. He's not leading her on. He's not forcing, or even asking, her to give up her dreams. He's just happy with the relationship and wants to proceed at the normal pace, rather than Bachelor show pace. Since their current relationship is fine for him, but not for her, then she's the one who's not getting what she needs out of it and it's on her to break it off. When a guy tells you he's not going to marry you, listen to him. Don't hope that he means something else. [/quote]

That's a good point.  When you want different things, who has the responsibility to break it off?  Part of me thinks Rachel since she hands out the roses.  Part of me thinks Peter since he came to the show and knew what Rachel wanted from day one - there was no mystery there.  So did he change his mind like he thought 9 weeks would be enough and finding that it isn't or was he hoping she would change her mind once they were involved more or was he just trying to be the next Bachelor, of would 9 weeks be enough with the right woman and Rachel isn't it and rather than say that he is trying to put it on her.  It's the guy that does everything to make you break up with him instead of being upfront - this way he isn't "the bad guy".[/quote]

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