Reply to Rant re DH's family

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[quote=Anonymous]I think various posters have called it correctly when they say OP is holding onto this old grudge because she's getting something out of it. It meets some deep need and feeds an old pain. Everyone sees the poisoning effect, and OP, you do too, but you're stuck with the feeling.

It's like part of you is frozen in immaturity. Something hurt you when you were little, and that childish part of you holds onto it and stamps its tiny feet, crying, "It's not fair!!!!!" The fact that you'd like the in-laws to apologize or acknowledge says it's your inner child that's hurting and expecting life to be fair. Adults know life isn't fair, that people who wrong you rarely apologize, and come to terms with that.

A good therapist might be able to help you learn to parent yourself through this. I've seen it done. You end up having to talk to yourself as often as you need to, using your loving mother voice to talk to your hurt child. Channel the loving, affirming things you would say to your child and say it to yourself. Sounds weird, but it works. [/quote]

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