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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster here. I don't get all the nasty comments towards the OP. Seems like pretty reasonable feelings that she has. The problem is that she's feeling them towards the wrong person.

Her husband had a messed up family. He knew it, she knew it. They paid for the other siblings' tuition but not for his. It sounds like they were also a bit rough towards her regarding being an immigrant. In any case, OP and her husband decided they didn't want to have people like that in their life, and they moved on.

Except that the husband didn't move on. Fast forward and he's now having regular contact with them and acting like everything is fine. I guess for him it is fine, better than he hoped it would work out. He gets his family of origin, much better than before, he gets his new family, and he gets his loans paid. The loans that he could never pay off himself.

The OP feels betrayed. SHE was the one who was there for him. Not his family of origin. SHE was the one who paid his debts. Not his family of origin. SHE was the one who had children with him, presumably without help of his family of origin. And now she has to suck it all up and act like there was no betrayal from his family of origin and they were super awesome supportive people the whole time.

[b]They are awful people.[/b] For the haters in the thread, how would you be responding if the OP had said that she got along well with her family in law until one day when they got out some paper and started writing up a will and splitting up the pie and all the siblings were gonna get a big chunk except her husband, who would get nothing. And then she's supposed to act like it's no big deal. I couldn't do that, even if it was a pretty small cake. But especially not when that cake equals a fairly significant lifestyle standard difference (vacations when there might not otherwise have been any, etc).

Student loans are no joke. It's a LOT of money. Especially when HER family were the ones who ultimately helped pay it all off (either directly or indirectly). The immigrants who were apparently looked down on.

The biggest issue that I see is that the betrayal wasn't from his family. It was from him. You have the right to not see them again, because they seem like pretty nasty people. But don't resent them. Resent your husband for letting them treat you badly and then sticking his head in the sand about it.

And I agree with the other posters that his student loans aren't his parents' responsibility. HE is the one who should have paid them. But it's very shitty for his parents to pay off the other siblings' tuition but not his. And you have an absolute right to not have anything to do with them about it. "Family" isn't a free pass to treat people like shit and get away with it.

-S[/quote]

What exactly have you been smoking?

Ummm, jump to enormous conclusions much?

Please show me exactly where & when the OP mentioned anything specific & the basis for you to claim "these are awful people".

The fact that this happened TWENTY YEARS AGO (and nothing has happened since this) you think that holding onto a grudge for this long, over something that the OP did VOLUNTARILY is perfectly normal & sane?  
She chose to pay it, nobody forced her, nobody put a gun to her head, she's only mad because she can't let go of the regret that she paid it.  Nobody took advantage of her that she was an immigrant & do you know how I know this?? 
Because her husband LET her do it!  If she was manipulated or conned into doing it, her husband wouldn't have let it happen, right?  BUT HE DID.  If she didn't want to pay, she shouldn't have offered & then done it... PERIOD.

She has nobody but herself to blame for paying it & she certainly has NOBODY else to blame for holding onto this stupid grudge for 20 years!

Keep it up, OP... because when you look back on your life one day, you're going to wish you had that time back that you completely wasted, by being angry & miserable over something so stupid.

You've now wasted at least 1/4 of your life on this BS, it's up to you to decide if you want to waste the rest of it too (because you'll never be happy until you make the choice to let this go).[/quote]

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