Reply to Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All these posts "I work while my child sleeps and I spend all the waking moments with them along with my DH who also works unicorn hours. When they are preschool age we choose the best school ever....." 
It's not real life, 99% of jobs are not like that and both parents equally parenting is difficult to manage too. Aren't parents often complaining about getting their spouse to take on more. I don't think the unicorn perfect parents of the world realize that most people cannot just "choose" this setup[/quote]

Similarly

"I SAHM with my children, I even sleep with them to maximize my time "raising" them" ... I don't shower or cook or clean or workout or run errands or take walks or go on dates or see friends or do girls weekend or vacatino with my H or visit family without them or get sick or let my H take them or let them do independent play ever so I'm never away from them. I would never spend 1 hour away let alone 3 that is reducing my "raising" time by 20%. I spaced my kids perfectly so my toddler would never take time away from my infant."

It's not real life, [b]99% of SAHM's are doing stuff without their children for hours a day, they are not with them 24x7. They spend at most 6 hours a day one on one with them. I [/b]don't think it would even be healthy to be this invested and involved in every breath your child takes. [/quote]

What on earth. I stayed at home until my kids were each 2 (because I wanted to give them and myself a European style maternity leave). During that time, I actually was with them for the vast majority of the day (and near them at night). I know exactly how much more it was than working parents, because My husband, who worked in an office, saw them a tiny fraction of that time (breakfast and then 6-8, when I was also home). The working parents trying to make the claim that it's even are truly deranged. It's not even close.

(Just to add my experience, my kids then went to play school at age 2 from 9-12 and then took a long nap at home in the afternoon, and bc we live in DC they started full day preschool at 3. And I worked when they were at playschool and then school). [/quote]

It’s amazing to me how many women post something like this almost as a brag.

I made my husband work so many hours that he never ever ever ever ever saw his own child so that I could be there the whole time.

Instead of, I was not with my child for about four hours a day because I really wanted my husband to not have to take that job they made him never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever. See his child.

Girl That is not an accomplishment that is sad and slightly abusive to your husband[/quote]

I don't get that from the PP at all. Her DH worked a normal working person's schedule -- 9-5ish plus commute. She was not making him work some ridiculous schedule as a surgeon or Big Law attorney. Those are just what a working person's schedule is. Also not the past tense -- this was almost certainly pre-Covid when there was WAY less flexibility and WFH. She is describing my exact work schedule pre-Covid here in a job where I made 90k in 2019. It's a normal job.

I also did a SAHM stint pre-Covid and our schedule was similar. My DH was really glad to have me SAHM because me being home during those years meant we didn't have to work out some difficult drop off and pick up schedule for daycare that would have been stressful plus I was able to do a lot of the cleaning and errand-running and other stuff during the day which meant our nights and weekends could be just family time. So it really maximized the quality of time he spent with our DC even if the quantity of time was circumscribed by his work schedule (his normal work schedule he'd had for many years pre-kids and which was in no way something I forced on him).

Has I also worked FT during those years we both would have had to spend more time after work doing stuff like cooking and cleaning and household admin and I think we both would have gotten less quality time with DC. That's a calculus we made together.

There were times I know DH was envious of the time I got to spend with DC and also just having a more relaxed schedule with no morning commute. There were also times I envied DH getting to leave the house every day and talk to adults all day long and do things like go get lunch on his own or go to the gym on his lunchbreak without having to account for a baby or toddler's care during that time. We both had tradeoffs.

Now I work PT but also post-Covid he works from home twice a week and has lots of flexibility so our set up is easier for everyone. This would not have been possible prior to 2020 -- we'd discussed it before and his work and industry was AGGRESSIVELY opposed to remote work and had it not been for a global pandemic would never have made that shift.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics