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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Yep. I agree.  Wonder why their husbands habitually cheated?  I would never condone that behavior at all, but the reality is, something was broken in their respective marriages and both parties have some ownership. Maybe they don’t like sexy time, or aren’t freaky enough, or have hang-ups from their own brokenness. Instead, let’s drag the horrible ex across the coals. Very tacky and hurtful. They’re doing it to get back at their ex’s and not address their own problems. [/quote]

Yikes—Hatmakers aside, this thinking is problematic and enables abusers. Great relationships take 2 people, but it only takes one person to ruin things. The actions of another aren’t the responsibility of the spouse who was wronged. This is the kind of thinking and teaching that was pervasive in the conservative evangelical communities I was raised in, but there was only grace for the husbands who strayed, were abusive, addicted, or detached. When women did these things, they were vilified—much like is what’s happening with much of the talk surrounding the Hatmakers.

If someone is reading this and in a bad situation or being treated in a way that lacks respect, dignity, or honesty — please know — it’s not you, it’s them! Holy yikes, this type of thinking is so toxic. To think that there are people out there giving men a pass for cheating because their wife wasn’t “freaky” enough. That’s sick and sad, especially because a cheater is going to cheat no matter how much you compromise your comfort, self respect, or personal boundaries. [/quote]

I agree with you…but I think the point made was that, generally, it does take to to make the marriage work.  And that includes being 100% into the 50% of the marriage. Certainly no one deserves to be cheated on… at all. And it’s poor thinking to think “you’re gonna fix or change your partner.”  But, at the same time, is the other spouse completely invested in the marriage too?  These women don’t seem to take any responsibility for the unraveling of their marriages— and I believe, having experienced marriage counseling, that both parties are in someway responsible. I’m other words, no one is perfect. But I do agree wholeheartedly, that abuse or infidelity etc are never ok. 
[/quote]

It takes two invested partners to have a healthy marriage, however the poster listed very unhealthy suggestions that women should be doing to keep a man from cheating. “Maybe they don’t like sexy time, or aren’t freaky enough, or have hang-ups from their own brokenness.” Is there a similar list of things a man should be doing to keep a woman from cheating? Things that if he didn’t do or perform, she would be given a pass for cheating? In the evangelical world, this is a one way street, and it’s harmful and used to keep women “submissive” and in abusive or otherwise unhealthy situations. It absolutely takes two people to have a strong relationship, but it doesn’t always take two people to have problems in a relationship. When someone cheats or is abusive or has an addiction, we should be looking at them and holding them accountable, not questioning what their partner did to “cause” such behavior.[/quote]

I agree with you. But the way these women came off on the podcast was weird. It just was. [/quote]

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