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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is with immense pride, a baffling lack of relevant qualifications, and a deep appreciation for the 6 figure salary that I introduce myself as your new Technical Director!

That's right! An ex-parent—a veteran of the sideline wars, the mandatory carpool sign-ups, and the four-hour Saturday tournament that was inexplicably held in the next state over.

My official duties, which sound very important, are as follows:

I will be implementing a long-term strategic player development pipeline, which actually means I will scroll through Netflix, occasionally nodding at the screen, and replying "Sounds good" to the Youth Director's emails. My responsibility is to oversee all coaching methodologies and ensure curriculum standardization

I am tasked to manage the club's high-performance training environment, which truly translates to ensuring the office coffee machine is always stocked and that the office thermostat is set to the optimal temperature for deep, sustained napping.

A key component of my role is to scout and onboard top-tier coaching talent and keeping the parents happy by putting more badges on their kid's jerseys.

Finally, I will foster a positive and competitive club culture by spending my entire day making sure all the administrative spreadsheets have the correct color scheme, because if the spreadsheet isn't 'positive and competitive,' what are we even doing here?

In short, I'll be collecting an impressive paycheck for leveraging my decades of experience: knowing a lot about traffic patterns to and from the fields and being really good at complaining about referee calls.

My door is always open... theoretically.

WINTER IS COMING[/quote]

Have you tried therapy [/quote]

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