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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is exactly when an affair is justifiable.  When you would do your spouse more harm by leaving them then by having a discreet affair.  My DW went years with zero desire after the kids were born.  I had a couple affairs that allowed me to stay married and sane.  She regained her libido, I am faithful now, we are very happy family.

OP, you need to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.[/quote]

"Put on your oxygen mask" by jumping overboard. Great plan, PP!  :roll:  And when that "discreet affair" blows up?[/quote]

Well, if she gets caught it will either be the wake up call her DH needs or it will lead to divorce.  She is going to end up divorced or miserable anyway if she doesn't have an affair.

Signed - a DH who was never caught and knows plenty of others who weren't caught.  [/quote]

This "logic" makes absolutely no sense to me, and I'm so disheartened to see so much of it. You're faced with a problem. You can address the problem, ignore the problem and go on as-is, leave (because the problem isn't solveable/worth trying to solve), or do something that, if discovered, not only exacerbates the original problem, but drops several more beside it.

And you chose the latter?! Even if you don't get caught by someone else, YOU KNOW. Is your integrity really so valueless?[/quote]

I have noticed that people classify those who cheat as those who take this easy way out, who didn't address the problem, etc. Guess what? It takes two to tango. I would hazard to guess that not an insignificant number of people who cheat have tried to talk to their spouses about the problems in their marriage and the spouses denied the problem or just didn't listen and relied on "vows" to keep fidelity in the marriage while not working on the problems at hand. Throw kids and finances into the mix and it becomes very hard to leave.[/quote]

I agree with all this. There are some -- likely a very few -- people who would cheat no matter the circumstance but I think the majority of the time people who cheat in marriages do it after feeling as if they have exhausted all other avenues to fixing the problem(s) but feel they can't leave the marriage because of kids or other obligations. And, I'm not sure they actively seek to cheat as much as they are in a place and space that allows someone else to step in and fill a need. If there is a hole in the relationship, it will get filled one way or the other. [/quote]

I think this is the "logic" people use to justify cheating. "I can't leave because s/he'll be so devastated." "I can't leave because of the kids." "I can't leave because of (insert obligation here). Yeah, actually, in the vast majority of cases, you can. It may not be easy, or immediate, but it's usually possible.

You don't trip and fall into someone else's pants. [/quote]

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