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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is exactly when an affair is justifiable.  When you would do your spouse more harm by leaving them then by having a discreet affair.  My DW went years with zero desire after the kids were born.  I had a couple affairs that allowed me to stay married and sane.  She regained her libido, I am faithful now, we are very happy family.

OP, you need to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.[/quote]

"Put on your oxygen mask" by jumping overboard. Great plan, PP!  :roll:  And when that "discreet affair" blows up?[/quote]

I'm agnostic on the having an affair thing but I don't there is a guarantee it will blow up. I think there are a good few cheaters who go undetected and I say that because I am single and dating in DC and there are a LOT of husbands on Match, OK Cupid, Tinder and so on and I mean BLATANT with it. I doubt they are all in open marriages. [/quote]

Given what I've read from, and about, cheaters on this forum, I suspect there are a lot of spouses who know but try to just suck it up and deal. It's depressing.

Still, if the reason for cheating is "he'd be so anxious if I leave" (which is some martyrdom nonsense, IMO), OP needs to consider the anxiety factor of the other option(s) she's considering. People are stupid, and get caught. People get jealous/territorial and that blows the lid off an affair. There are a LOT of ways for it to go wrong, probably far more than ways it could go right.

And that's just looking at it from an agnostic perspective, and ignoring the moral/ethical issues.[/quote]

Yeah, depressing is the word for all of this. And it seems like all the issues that people come to this forum to vent about stem from bedroom-related things. Sometimes money but mostly sex. It puzzles me the people who are encourage people to just ignore a natural biological urge -- sex, intimacy -- and just stay married, but it is even MORE puzzling to me the people who don't want sex and intimacy with their spouse who seem to expect they will just cut their urges off and stay married and faithful. I mean I hate coconut, it's disgusting, but I'm not going to tell my partner who loves it to just stop wanting it and never have it, because I don't ever want it. Not that simple but, kind of that simple at the same time. [/quote]

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