Reply to Do you spank your kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. "

Weird and creepy and pervy.[/quote]

Np. This is what we do, too. Why do you think it's weird?[/quote]

NP. I think it's weird too. It sounds cold and calculated. And you're teaching your kid that abuse is OK as long as the hitter gives you a hug and kiss later. Classic adult abuse situation,  there. [/quote]
Of course it's calculated.  Kids should know what the consequence is for misbehavior.

And how is a swat on the rear abuse? [/quote]

Not that poster, but I don't see how any hitting is anything other than abuse. Hurting someone physically without their consent sounds abusive to me. Kids are more vulnerable and powerless than adults, yet it is alright to do something to a child that if done to an adult without that adult's consent would be called abuse and would be illegal? I don't find spanking alright at all. It is purposefully inflicting pain on a child. That's something I want my kids to be able to trust that I will never do.

"Person who loves me hurts me to help me learn to behave better when I don't meet his/her expectations, so that I can become a better person for them" is the only way I can view spanking, and that's a lesson I will not be teaching my kids. It's almost the exact dynamic that my best friend had in a seriously abusive dating relationship in our late teens. No way, not in our family.

Maybe not all kids make those connections and learn that lesson, but that seems to me to be the underlying message. I remember the two times I was ever spanked with confusion and fear well beyond that which would be proportionate to the offense... nearly 30 years later. I cannot see a way that spanking is compatible with my understanding of moral behavior or child development, so we use other methods to guide and teach our kids.[/quote]

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