Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do spank our kids. With an open hand or a willow wooden spoon. One swat for every year they are old.

My grandmother told me that HER mother used a cat o'nine tail on her and her sister!

BTW... we never spank in front of someone else. It's in a room with either myself or dh and the child, door closed.

So you would beat your child 5 times with a wooden spoon if they were 5?

That sounds like abuse.

Not beat. Swat on the bottom.

NP. How often does this happen, and for what sort of offenses?

Anonymous wrote:Nope. The parents that spank are the ones who are too lazy to learn 'just as effective' discipline techniques. It's simply easier to hit because 'that's how I was raised and I turned out ok'. I will never understand how you can teach a child not to hit, but then hit this same child.

Or maybe it just works well and there's no reason to avoid it, assuming it's used sparingly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do spank our kids. With an open hand or a willow wooden spoon. One swat for every year they are old.

My grandmother told me that HER mother used a cat o'nine tail on her and her sister!

BTW... we never spank in front of someone else. It's in a room with either myself or dh and the child, door closed.

So you would beat your child 5 times with a wooden spoon if they were 5?

That sounds like abuse.

Not beat. Swat on the bottom.

Anonymous wrote:We do spank our kids. With an open hand or a willow wooden spoon. One swat for every year they are old.

My grandmother told me that HER mother used a cat o'nine tail on her and her sister!

BTW... we never spank in front of someone else. It's in a room with either myself or dh and the child, door closed.

So you would beat your child 5 times with a wooden spoon if they were 5?

That sounds like abuse.

We do spank our kids. With an open hand or a willow wooden spoon. One swat for every year they are old.

My grandmother told me that HER mother used a cat o'nine tail on her and her sister!

BTW... we never spank in front of someone else. It's in a room with either myself or dh and the child, door closed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. "

Weird and creepy and pervy.

Np. This is what we do, too. Why do you think it's weird?

NP. I think it's weird too. It sounds cold and calculated. And you're teaching your kid that abuse is OK as long as the hitter gives you a hug and kiss later. Classic adult abuse situation, there.

Of course it's calculated. Kids should know what the consequence is for misbehavior.

And how is a swat on the rear abuse?

Not that poster, but I don't see how any hitting is anything other than abuse. Hurting someone physically without their consent sounds abusive to me. Kids are more vulnerable and powerless than adults, yet it is alright to do something to a child that if done to an adult without that adult's consent would be called abuse and would be illegal? I don't find spanking alright at all. It is purposefully inflicting pain on a child. That's something I want my kids to be able to trust that I will never do.

"Person who loves me hurts me to help me learn to behave better when I don't meet his/her expectations, so that I can become a better person for them" is the only way I can view spanking, and that's a lesson I will not be teaching my kids. It's almost the exact dynamic that my best friend had in a seriously abusive dating relationship in our late teens. No way, not in our family.

Maybe not all kids make those connections and learn that lesson, but that seems to me to be the underlying message. I remember the two times I was ever spanked with confusion and fear well beyond that which would be proportionate to the offense... nearly 30 years later. I cannot see a way that spanking is compatible with my understanding of moral behavior or child development, so we use other methods to guide and teach our kids.

Yes, I spanked one of my two kids. I didn't read any research on it at the time, and haven't since. Personally I think too much time is spent reading about parenting instead of actually doing something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. This article does a good job of summarizing some of the relevant research: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

I see no indication of controlling for SES, or researching the different kinds of physical punishment. A swat on the rear end for something extremely out of line is vastly different than spanking with a belt or paddle, and it's a shame this "research" didn't differentiate.

PP here. That was not a link to a study. It was an article by the APA summarizing several scientific studies done that all had the same conclusion. The definitive work was done in 2008 by Gershoff and I just like to the study. Read it if you care to. Or keep justifying hitting your children if you would like to do that.

I know it wasn't a link to the study. I looked up the studies they referenced in the summary and read them.

I don't have to justify anything. My kids are adults. I'm certainly not spanking my adult children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. This article does a good job of summarizing some of the relevant research: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

I see no indication of controlling for SES, or researching the different kinds of physical punishment. A swat on the rear end for something extremely out of line is vastly different than spanking with a belt or paddle, and it's a shame this "research" didn't differentiate.

PP here. That was not a link to a study. It was an article by the APA summarizing several scientific studies done that all had the same conclusion. The definitive work was done in 2008 by Gershoff and I just like to the study. Read it if you care to. Or keep justifying hitting your children if you would like to do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, different punishments work on different children. Do what works for your child. There is no research that states that, in and of itself, a handful of spankings with an open hand in childhood negatively impacts a child.

A lot of adults have been spanked as kids with no lasting negative impact, and they manage to still have close, loving relationships with their parents. Some obviously have issues, but I suspect there may have been more things going on there to cause some emotional/mental issues down the line than simply a handful of spankings as a child.

There IS actually research that shows that spanking, with an open hand or otherwise, DOES, in fact, negatively impact the child. But, my assumption is that those of you that stank your kids are not making an informed, evidence-based decision based on what is best for your child.

Not research that controls for the type, frequency, severity of spanking, or controls for SES, or controls for the type of children predisposed to behavior more likely to earn soakings, etc.

Okay you obviously have not read the research that I have. Makes me wonder if you are just making this up. The study I read was longitudinal and included a range of spanking disciple and found that across the board, spanking had negative outcomes. Don't kid yourself that hitting them is good for them. It is not.

Do you care to share the article you read?

Here you go. Although I am done arguing this. If this is not self-evident, I doubt the research will persuade you.

http://www.endcorporalpunishment.org/assets/pdfs/reference-documents/Gershoff-US-report-2008.pdf

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, different punishments work on different children. Do what works for your child. There is no research that states that, in and of itself, a handful of spankings with an open hand in childhood negatively impacts a child.

A lot of adults have been spanked as kids with no lasting negative impact, and they manage to still have close, loving relationships with their parents. Some obviously have issues, but I suspect there may have been more things going on there to cause some emotional/mental issues down the line than simply a handful of spankings as a child.

There IS actually research that shows that spanking, with an open hand or otherwise, DOES, in fact, negatively impact the child. But, my assumption is that those of you that stank your kids are not making an informed, evidence-based decision based on what is best for your child.

Not research that controls for the type, frequency, severity of spanking, or controls for SES, or controls for the type of children predisposed to behavior more likely to earn soakings, etc.

Okay you obviously have not read the research that I have. Makes me wonder if you are just making this up. The study I read was longitudinal and included a range of spanking disciple and found that across the board, spanking had negative outcomes. Don't kid yourself that hitting them is good for them. It is not.

Do you care to share the article you read?

Anonymous wrote:PP here. This article does a good job of summarizing some of the relevant research: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

I see no indication of controlling for SES, or researching the different kinds of physical punishment. A swat on the rear end for something extremely out of line is vastly different than spanking with a belt or paddle, and it's a shame this "research" didn't differentiate.

PP here. This article does a good job of summarizing some of the relevant research: http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, different punishments work on different children. Do what works for your child. There is no research that states that, in and of itself, a handful of spankings with an open hand in childhood negatively impacts a child.

A lot of adults have been spanked as kids with no lasting negative impact, and they manage to still have close, loving relationships with their parents. Some obviously have issues, but I suspect there may have been more things going on there to cause some emotional/mental issues down the line than simply a handful of spankings as a child.

There IS actually research that shows that spanking, with an open hand or otherwise, DOES, in fact, negatively impact the child. But, my assumption is that those of you that stank your kids are not making an informed, evidence-based decision based on what is best for your child.

Not research that controls for the type, frequency, severity of spanking, or controls for SES, or controls for the type of children predisposed to behavior more likely to earn soakings, etc.

Okay you obviously have not read the research that I have. Makes me wonder if you are just making this up. The study I read was longitudinal and included a range of spanking disciple and found that across the board, spanking had negative outcomes. Don't kid yourself that hitting them is good for them. It is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we spank. It works for our family. It's they calm, measured soanking. Never in anger.

Oh, measured and controlled hitting? Got it. Do you teach them they can hit others, as long as they aren't angry?

Nope, just like I don't teach them it's okay to take away others toys away, put others in time out, send others to bed early, or away others' desserts.