Reply to Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I was being portrayed as some sort of crazy stalker who pounced on a married man, yep, I would set the record straight.  Everyone is going to be sympathetic to the wife who was cheated on but that does not mean that *I* deserve scorn or ill will towards *ME*.  Plus, she really should know that her husband is duping unsuspecting women like that.[/quote]

You care what a complete stranger thinks about you. You know the wife is a complete stranger, you don't know her at all.

Would you walk up to a complete stranger on the street and tell them your story?

[/quote]

If I got the sense that she was bad mouthing me  and making my name mud in her circle of lady friends.  You bet I would try to talk to her because obviously she is not some random stranger, she is the wronged wife who is pissed off specifically at *ME*.  And I would not deserve that kind of animosity directed at me.  She would deserve to know exactly what her husband did - I'm not talking about bedroom specifics, I am talking about the way he manipulated/duped an innocent woman into being the other woman.  I would also want her to know that I was very, very sorry and would never have willingly participated in a deception like that.  Maybe it would make her feel better that she was not the only one who was hurt by this man.  I don't know.[/quote]

You are putting yourself in the middle of a marriage. Even though originally it was unknowingly, not it is intentionally. You now need to step away and accept the consequences even if that means a bunch of women are talking behind your back. She is a random stranger, the only reason she is not a stranger (in your mind) is because you slept with her husband and he told you a bunch of lies about her.

You are too close to this situation to make rational decisions. You need to step away from this for at least 6 months.

If you said, I want to send a note to the wife that say, i had no idea Joe was married period, nothing else, that is one thing... but you are determined to make sure the wife knows her husband is a terrible human being. That is not your job or your place.

No ... it does not make her feel better that you are hurt too. She does not know you, she does not care about you. Mostly she only cares about her kids.

All APs lie. All men lie to the OW, the wife already knows you were used and tossed like a piece of trash, she knows her H is capable of that. Welcome to affairs.

You were used. That sucks. Deal with it within your own support group. Get out of this triad. [/quote]

So in your view, the wife already knows that her marriage is crap and that her husband is capable of this sort of thing.  But she prefers to keep up appearances for the children's sake.  O.k.  I can see that might be the case for some women.  Not all marriages are good marriages.[/quote]

Maybe. Or she realizes her husband is crap and is getting her ducks in a row before she takes him to the cleaners. Or she realizes her husband has issues and she will stick it out to see if he can get counseling and resolve his issues. or she was abused as a child and this type of treatment is normal to her and she needs counseling.

You don't know her. I don't know her. This is something she needs to deal with herself. The OW needs to deal with her betrayal herself. It's as simple as that.

I am old. I know about multiple friends that have been cheated on or cheated on their spouse. I have been friends with the cheater, the cheated on and the OW. I love them all .. no matter how damaged they have been at different stages of their life.

I don't think the OW sucks, she was a victim (in this case), but she does need to go away and take care of herself. 
I don't think the cheater is the most horrible person in the world but he needs to get some help and change his ways, or he needs to exit stage left and let his wife heal (and leave the OW alone). 
I don't think the wife is a just staying for the children and saving face, I suspect she is just trying to get by one day at a time and seeing if she can salvage something. (Generally, wives are told not to make any major decisions the 1st 8 weeks.)[/quote]

best, most balanced and sane view of these things I have EVER seen on this site![/quote]

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