Reply to Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?

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Reply to "Do you tell the wife that her wonderful husband cheated on her for two years?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, here is a little bit on anger and aggression and how it relates to the loss of control...

https://books.google.com/books?id=PRThK4kq5xUC&pg=PA297&lpg=PA297&dq=anger+is+caused+by+a+perceived+loss+of+control+over+factors+affecting+important+values.&source=bl&ots=836eql0YfF&sig=999_lZFmfxI2_jxUO38z3Bmi9Zw&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0CCQQ6AEwAWoVChMIgr-e17GhyAIVAe0eCh1_AQ7g#v=onepage&q=anger%20is%20caused%20by%20a%20perceived%20loss%20of%20control%20over%20factors%20affecting%20important%20values.&f=false

hopefully that link works.. but highlights are this...
[i]
Anger is an emotion that focuses on getting control... anger is caused by a perceived loss of control over factors affecting important values[/i]

[i]Hostility is not accepting reality.... hostility is doing something desperate to get things right[/i]
[i]
Hostility hurts you and others... the only healthy response to a "done deed" is to accept it and try to understand it.

self-actualized people accept life's hardships and people's shortcomings[/i]

It's not easy to do at first, to move on. It's not easy to not obsess over the wrong and want to right it. That is why counseling is good, because learning this stuff is hard. We were not taught this in school or by our parents.

I am sorry this was done to you... even for the OW that was knowlingly the OW or if you carried on the affair even after you found out he was married, you are only human. Learn from this and move on to good things and good people.

You were wronged. But you just need to accept it and move on.. you can't unring this bell, you can't make it right.

[/quote]

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