Reply to Looking for constructive feedback from low libido partners

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Looking for constructive feedback from low libido partners"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]opinionated poster, here.

Goal:  get over the initial hurdle of getting back into regular sex - my only fear is that it's more complicated than this, but maybe it's not.

Goal:  a minimum amount of sex so that HL spouse doesn't cheat and this frequency somewhat equals the maximum amount of sex LL spouse can tolerate/enjoy (without feeling resentful, used, overtouched, etc).

okay:  masturbation in private is fine

would be good if HL spouse could connect romantically, intimately with LLS to make him/her feel loved, feel connected (with no expectation of sex)

would be good if HLS could accept "pity" sex (taken for the team to show love, desire to meet HLS in the middle).  I feel like this is key, especially in OP's case where the sex is offered and it doesn't feel like it's resentfully (just not stemming from organic desire/passion).  I feel like this is the crux.  This, the acceptance of this type of sex is key and is within the OP's control.  Maybe he could see a therapist.  It's not ideal, it's not sexy, it's depressing, etc.  But, with a different frame of mind, it's loving in its own fucked up way.

would be good if LLS could fake a little, itsy bitsy amount of enthusiasm (or neutrality) to get over the initial hurdle.  But, OP doesn't have control over this.  Even after reading all the posts from LL spouses, I still can't figure out why this isn't doable.  At least a smile as an expression of love, happiness that the HL spouse is feeling a connection and isn't cheating.  Or even a bit of humor or a high five that they are on the same page-ish.

I just wish couples could sit with each other with a bottle of wine, try to add some humor, talk about how awesome the kids/family is, reminisce about good times, take some deep breaths, make some good eye contact, and reconnect while they talk about problem solving the initial hurdle.  There's so much pessimism.

I don't feel like the "mature non-gaming people" poster was trying to be a douche bag.  And the other poster suggesting that it's "figuring out what your partner needs" is important.  These aren't mutually exclusive.

one last idea:  If money is a constraint, do this for one month.  If money isn't a constraint.  Do this every Friday, or Saturday night.  One vacation night a week.  Hire a babysitter to spend the night/day at home.  Dinner out, massages or whatever non-sexual stuff at night, mom/LLS sleeps in, breakfast in bed or smoothie from room service, then sex.  Maybe start with a whole weekend out of town with no sex, just reconnecting?  Cheaper than divorce/marriage counseling.

I'm tempted to say hugs not drugs or take a chill pill folks.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics