Reply to Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not divorced or remarried, so take this with the grain of salt it deserves from someone who has never been in this situation . . .

I'm a lawyer and years ago observed a case very similar to this. The ex-husband actually sued his ex-wife for trespass and other things. It went to jury and he lost. But the real loser was the kids, who were put in the middle, put on the stand, etc. It was awful.

So, while the ex should not be in your house, it sounds like there is no way to stop it without putting the kids in the middle. Don't do that. Be the bigger person. In a few years they'll all be moved out and ex will never be in your house again. But for now, for the sake of those kids who cleary have a mother who will give them lifelong headaches, try to let it go. [/quote]

A PP here...do you recall what the justification was for the husband losing the case?  I mean, this case is a clear case of trespassing.  Or does it not count as trespassing because the kids let her in?

As a stepmom to a stepdaughter in her 20's, I would absolutely not advise OP to just wait this out "a few years" when they'll all be moved out.  It's very unlikely that all the kids will move out at 18.  I thought that so much that was intolerable when my SD was in high school would magically be done with once she was 18.  But no, my husband's ex just continued on in the same fashion, and my SD had the same problems moving forward, only magnified in many ways because the stakes are so much higher in adulthood.  So I would never advise a stepparent to just put up with an intolerable situation until the children turn 18.  OP, it's likely that your husband's ex would keep dropping by while the kids are home from college or even if they lived with you beyond that.  Do you really want to sign up for this for another decade, of always having an interloper who could stop into your home at any time?  That's why I'm the PP suggesting a move to a new house for a fresh start that would make the boundaries a little easier for these young adults to conceptualize.  That house would clearly be "stepmom and dad's house" not "house I grew up in where mom belongs".[/quote]

Yes, but when they are adults, if they are still living at home, can't they have company over whenever they wanted?  Whether it's their mom or a friend?[/quote]

PP stepmom here.  No, when my stepdaughter was living in our home, she could not have company over whenever she wanted.  It is our house, not hers.  We allowed her to live with us in order to save some money after she dropped out of college, but we purposefully did not make the living situation as attractive as it would have been if she had been living in her own dorm room or her own apartment.  Our goal as parents is to launch our children into successful independent adulthood, not making living in our home for as long as possible an attractive option for them.  We also had an infant at the time and both worked full time, so we restricted guests to before our own "bedtime", did not allow overnight guests unless it was a really special occasion, and always asked that she check with us first before having guests over.  Generally we said yes, but neither of us wanted people just showing up out of the blue at any time day or night.  I'm sure we would not have said no if she wanted to have her mom over for some reason, but I'm relieved that it never came up.[/quote]

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