Reply to Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you will seriously alienate your step kids if you try to enforce the "mom waits outside" rule. You're treating her like an invader. They are treating her like a family member. You will make yourself the enemy. [/quote]

DAD, not the OP, needs to plan out what he'll say to the kids, then sit down with the kids and explain that while of course they can see their mother, HE, not just OP, is not comfortable with her hanging out in the house, and 30-minute stays are in the hanging out category, not a quick stop to pick things up. Then HE needs to deal with the ex. I like the letter someone posted earlier.

OP, your husband has to take the lead here. If you do, you'll be viewed by the kids (possibly, depending on their relationships with you and their mom) as the mean stepmom getting in the way, and you will absolutely be viewed by the ex-wife as such.

Husband needs to talk to kids first and say, "You're old enough to understand how I (dad) and OP would feel that it's uncomfortable and awkward for Ex to be visiting uninvited and staying for longer than it takes to drop off or pick up. I do get that you are here when she comes, and this is your home too; however, these visits make us very uncomfortable and I need to be honest about that. I wanted you to know that I am asking your mom to limit visits inside the house to the time it takes to pick up something/someone." Be ready for kids this age to possibly fuss if they feel "Its' my house too" and get defensive about their being able to open the door to mom. Think through how they might react and be ready to respond.

The impression I got from one of the OP's posts was that the mom is coming when the kids are home, which isn't the same as coming in if a kid is stopping by dad/OP's house while picking something up while on mom's custody time. OP, that right?[/quote]

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