Reply to How long did it take for you/your spouse to feel balance/normal after an extra marital affair?

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[quote=Anonymous]Honestly, I don't really think you can say what you would do until you experience it yourself - and until you experience your own version of the events including how much lying there was, whether there was a confession, whether there was remorse, etc. So to those of you going through it, you can go ahead and ignore anyone who is making sweeping statements about anyone that stays as a doormat or any cheater as a morally corrupt individual or any marriage as a "a blessed by god."  Those posters have no concept of how gray these situations are.

We went through it. My husband confessed immediately after, it was a very brief thing, he was incredibly remorseful, immediately signed us up for counseling (we wrnt for about nine months - it was really expensive!), cut off contact, text. We have two kids and honestly given the situation that I experienced, I personally think it would have been selfish to leave. As it was, we both did some really hard work and got to a much stronger marriage.

It took me a year not to feel like a PTSD zombie.  The second year I felt lighter, but still thought about it daily. The third year, I started to be able to care about other things. And the fourth year, it felt like a distant painful memory, but not one that caused pain anymore. I'm five years out now, and I think about it maybe once a week.

I'm almost glad it happened - we were in a tough spot in our marriage, and it was the kick in the pants we needed to focus our attention on rebuilding our relationship. [/quote]

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