Reply to Husband e-mails Wife spreadsheet of Wife's excuses not to have sex

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Do you or do you not think sex is more important than TV the night before a 10 day business trip?"

It's certainly not good for a relationship (marriage or otherwise) for partners to be sexually on different pages. It's the kiss of death for some relationships.

HOWEVER.

Anyone has the right to not have sex if they don't want to. Their reasons are their own and it is really not okay to say, well, this reason is legitimate but that one isn't. I understand that sex is important, but all this talk of "denying" sex makes it sound like sex is something one partner gives to another, rather than something that two willing adults do TOGETHER.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. The needs of both partners need to be considered. It sounds like this lady was not considering her husband's needs, but many of the posters on this thread are not considering her needs, or are saying that her reasons for not wanting to have sex are not valid. Marriage doesn't mean ownership over a person's body. Any person, male or female. [/quote]

Okay then. My husband can deny me sex for whatever reason and also get into it halfheartedly.  If done consistently, the laws of natural consequences take over, and I end up finding someone else who's equally hot for me and sex as I am for him and it.[/quote]

So what you are saying is that if your husband does not have sex with you when and how you want him to, you will cheat on him? Either you are committed to the person you married FOR BETTER OR WORSE or you are not. [/quote]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.[/quote]

If I was in your situation, with your mentality, I would do one of two things:

1. Get divorced.
2. Speak to your husband about pursuing an open marriage. Your needs are not being met. You deserve to have your needs met in a way that doesn't result in his needs not being met (where the need to not have sex as often as you want to have sex is a valid need).

If he will not agree to #2 or it's not something that interests you, move straight to #1. Seriously.[/quote]

Nope. The marriage is worth keeping otherwise, and we are in the middle of raising three teenagers.[/quote]

Either sexual fulfillment is something that is important enough to end your marriage over, or it's not.

Don't get me wrong. I think that people should work out their sexual issues and figure out a way to be compatible. It makes me sad when people are unwilling to do that. I worked mine out, and it didn't fix our marriage, which ended. I learned a lot in the process. But my overall point was that being married to someone doesn't mean they "owe" you sex. They still get to have autonomy over their own bodies. The notion that once you're married, sex is a given whenever someone wants it is why for a very long time, many states didn't consider it illegal for a man to rape his wife. Sexual relations are part of the marriage vows, so obviously, that means you can't say no.

The continued qualifying of what reasons for not wanting to have sex are acceptable and what reasons are invalid really just reinforces the idea that sex is an obligation owed by one partner to another, and that that need is more important than other needs. [/quote]

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