Reply to my parents are not the type of grandparents I wish they could be....help me accept this fact!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is super helpful and will go well out of her way to be with the grandkids. My ILs are nice and present when there, but never offer to watch the kids (even after they are fast asleep) and just aren't the step up to the plate kind of people.  I wouldn't mind except they caused me extra work when my kids were babies and I had ppd and resented that they didn't even bring their dishes to the kitchen after the dinner I had cooked with a 1 month old in a sling and a 2.5 year old difficult toddler screaming at my leg.   Now that my kids are older I am not as angry about it because I'm well-rested, but at the time when I was at wits end I couldn't imagine that they could be so selfish. I don't expect people to do my dishes for me or tidy my house, but if I saw anyone, friend family stranger who was so in need of an extra set of hands I wouldn't just wander into the other room to relax without even offering to help. It's just who I am so I can't fathom people who are so blatantly unhelpful.

Op--you just have to accept who they are and move on. They aren't going to change for you and the sooner you are peace with it, the sooner you will be at peace. :)[/quote]

NP here.  This thread has been helpful to me in as I have a MIL who has moved to town, will help for emergencies, but really just wants to live her life (IMHO).  She makes vague offers of help, but it's usually more trouble than it's worth (always late, needs a lot of direction, etc).  This post resonated with me because I was very sick during my second pregnancy, with ER trips and hospital stays.  MIL did help watch our older child for a day while I was in the hospital, so I am obviously grateful for that.  But after I got out, I was still pretty sick (on bed rest) and DH had to watch the older one on his own.  I couldn't believe that MIL never once offered to come over with food or in any other way help out.  If my parents lived in my neighborhood, and I got out of the hospital and was 8 mo pregnant on bed rest, I'm sure they would be over with food every day.

After that, I vowed that I would pretty much never ask MIL for help again as to me her actions showed her true colors.  Like some of the PPs, I think DH (and I) had high hopes for her as a grandma because she was a very involved mom (homemade Halloween costumes, never missed a game, etc).  But the reality is that she feels like she didn't get to make a lot of choices in her life (due to parental pressure, married at a young age, controlling husband, etc).  My take on her is that now that she's divorced and moved out of her dreary hometown and to the big city, she's done doing what is expected of her.  She does what she wants to do.  So, she is a good grandma in that my older child adores her, she brings him presents, etc.  But she's definitely not looking for any kind of regular babysitting gig.

She's hard for me to deal with because she is totally passive aggressive and very indirect.  E.g., she asks if she can bring something for dinner.  I ask if she can bring a veggie.  So she brings 2 bags of FROZEN veggies to cook.  Uh, OK.  She will over to come over "early" for dinner to "help", but is always 30-45 min late so by the time she shows up, I have already cooked dinner with kids around.

[/quote]

She's not your mommy, or your servant, or your little helper. She just asked to bring something to be nice. She is not your emergency babysitter. She is trying to let you know, but you refuse to listen. Some of you have awfully high expectations of your grand parents.[/quote]

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