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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in the same exact financial situation as OP, percentage-wise, and it's really really hard to just "accept and move on" when you slide backwards -- hard.

I know I need to do just that, accept, in order to be mentally healthy and not be bitter for the rest of my life (I'm 47 so things aren't going to really shoot back 'up' for me in the time I have left).   I am beyond grateful that for the time being, I have my good health and so does DS.  I try to focus on that.

As someone who grew up happy and lower middle class, never ever knowing the "finer" things in life until her late 20s, I will say this:

I found that it was much, MUCH easier to just never know about the things that come along with a high professional income in the first place, than to have enjoyed those things and have them yanked away from you abruptly.  I'm serious.

What's more, as an educated and supposedly enlightened woman who is surrounded by educated and enlightened peers, you can never, ever breathe word of these feelings of loss to your enlightened friends.  One, because they will call you shallow for mourning the loss of "stuff."  Two, because in many or all cases, they themselves are likely still living the good life themselves and can't relate (although they may mouth empathetic words if they are indeed good and loyal friends.  Then they go to their personal trainer).

So I quickly learned to internalize these feelings of loss, shame and envy.  They're ugly, no one wants to hear them, they reflect badly on me ... but they're real.[/quote]

I wish I knew you, because you sound like a genuine, honest but thoughtful person.  I agree with this post.  I've noticed in listening to people talk about other people that there's this weird sort of game where people do in fact look down on others if they don't live the same standard of living but they look down on them even more if they don't live the same standard of living and aren't happy about it.  It's bizarre and backwards.

I feel like everyone around me is faux enlightened, maybe even on these forums.  They talk the talk about not envying others or not keeping up with the joneses or not caring about what other people have.   But they have very strong ideas about standard of living and DEFINITELY look down on people who don't make a certain amount of money or who don't live a certain style of life.  And of course, even if you are struggling, you're not allowed to notice when other people aren't.

There's like this put up and shut up attitude when it comes to people who are truly middle class.

Whenever I drill down, I realize that many of these "enlightened" people are actually elitist.  They mouth empathetic words, but deep down, they kind of feel like they deserve their personal trainer, but for whatever reason, you don't or you just didn't make the right choices.

I know someone who complains constantly about how expensive private school is.  Of course, they can afford it.  They just don't like paying it.   But they seem to think that someone who complains because they are having trouble finding an affordable house in a good school district is ridiculous.  It's like they can't see that while private school tuition is an annoyance for them, it is an absolute impossibility for many other people. [b] But yet, those people, in their minds, should just suck it up because, obviously, they didn't work hard enough or make the right choices in life if they are in a position where they can't afford private school.  It just baffles me.  It's like you are allowed to complain about how expensive things are only if you can afford them.[/b]  If you can't afford things, you're not allowed to complain at all; you should just accept that you are lower class.
[/quote]

well said. but it happens in other areas too. only skinny people are allowed to complain they are fat, only beautiful people that they are ugly, only young people that they are old etc. it boils down to, you are not supposed to publicly complain about an actual problem, just a fake problem - something that you have solved, or can solve, or know how to solve, and it is mildly annoying. everything else is embarrassing and crass.[/quote]

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