Reply to If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?

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Reply to "If you decided your husband was no longer "winner" material, would you divorce him?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is a big difference between a couple that goes into marriage knowing full well their spouse expects them to be the sole or primary breadwinner, and the couple that winds up in the this situation unwittingly. I wouldn't see a problem with the former; the latter is a recipe for discontent in a marriage. Sure, stuff can happen -- death, disability. But thinking you were entering a partnership of earning and winding up with eveything on your back -- that's something else altogether. I don't care if the non-earner is male or female. Same issue in my book.[/quote]

+1 it's like the guy that wants a SAHW marrying a woman that plans to keep working when they have kids. Or the person that wants kids marrying a person that does not want any kids.  It's such a fundamental difference in what people value ...not right or wrong, you just need to be with the person that agrees with you on those big things.

I made more than my husband when we got married but I would not have been comfortable being the sole supporter.  I change jobs a decent amount and I value knowing I can leave a job. I won't just quit without lining something else up but the freedom in knowing I can take a small paycut for a better opportunity or I don't have to stay in in unhappy job situation is liberating.  When my son had issues in school and I had to run down options of homeschool, cut back hours, or pony up money for private school, again, we only had those options because we both work.  As wonderful as DH is, I don't see him throwing himself into homeschooling our children so it isn't like that would have been an option if he was at home.

My parents are divorced and while they had multiple issues including MIL overinvolvment, one of the things that got me was that they did not agree on the big things.  My mom would have preferred to stay at home or atleast be in a position to pick us up from school and to hear her tell it she would have been happy not spending as much on a house (maybe being in a town house or less expensive housing) for that financial freedom to do those things or at a minimum be in a better situation when my dad lost his job.  To hear my dad tell it, my mom had such wonderful potential and he could ever understand why she threw away such great opportunities.  She had more opportunities ,college scholarships, internship opportunites etc, but instead stayed in low paying jobs and changed jobs frequently. The truth is probably somewhere between.  I just get back to give your kids the most stability, you need to be a team.  In order to be a team you need to agree on some basic things or find your way to a compromise.[/quote]

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