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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - he has adamantly refused to let me have access to his email.  He keeps his two home computers all locked up.  I think he was surprised I got the phone records.  He wouldn't even agree to "ground rules" about the phone.  I said  you need to leave the phone out in the open with the ringer on..and if you go out to garage to work on a project, leave phone in house.  he didn't like these "rules" and said I was controlling him.  But, I said to him, if you are really and truly working on our marriage, we need to rebuild trust.  He doesn't seem very willing to do anything to prove himself re: trust issues right now.  But he did apologize again and tell me, I have done what you asked; I have cut off all contact.  (He called her after I called her and he apologized to her for my call - which I told him was ridicululous - he should care more about my feelings than her feelings - and he says he told her he was "oversharing" with her and he knows she was just being a supportive friend but that he needed to stop this now.) [/quote]

This is all BS. He doesn't want to work with you on this. There are too many secrets here. You shouldn't have to institute ground rules. Either you trust him, or you don't. Trusting someone is a risk. You too the risk and it didn't work out in your favor. You tried, you did the best you can.

On another note, I think you need to get yourself your own therapist who is also in your corner. Sounds like the one you've been seeing is sort of on your husband's side. This makes me think of a divorce story I read in a book a while ago called Three Wishes. It's not about divorce-- the book focuses on three friends pushing 40 who want to have children-- however, one of them finds out her husband had been cheating on her with a much younger woman. They agree to go to counseling together through the divorce process and the narrator, the wife, realizes that the counselor was really on the husband's side and was trying to get her to agree to things that weren't in her best interest. The rest of the book might not interest you, but you mind find the woman's story of interest (from what I recall that section was told by one of the three writers, Beth). [/quote]

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