Reply to What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think the major problem is you guys shouldn't be living together. Once you're married he should be taking on the responsibility of a husband and father (yes, he'll be a father to your two kids aka step-father). That means he'll be paying at least half, if not all (if you decide to SAH, etc...). Find out if these are his intentions. Also, have him move to his parents until you are married. You're having typical problems from people shacking up versus putting a ring on it.[/quote]

Not OP, but I hate the phrase "put a ring on it."  I'm not an "it."

I also don't think the problem is shacking up.  If she would've married this guy before living with him, he'd still be the loser that he is.  the only difference would be that she wouldn't have realized he's a loser until after marrying him.  And then getting a divorce would be another financial and legal mess for her.

Shacking up is fine so long as clear boundaries/arrangements are made.  If, from the start, both parties are expected and agree to contribute half to all expenses, then it can work out fine and become an opportunity to see if the potential spouse lives up to his/her promises and if two people are compatible.  If you discover you are not, then you break up.  And as hard as that can be, it's easier than a divorce.

The problem isn't that she shacked up with this guy.  It's that she never demanded he pull his weight.  But now she has an opportunity to get out of the relationship before marrying him.  [/quote]
I beg to differ. You clearly are an "it" and a stupid one at that. If OP hadn't decided to shack up with a loser, she wouldn't be in this position to begin with. She let a man move in and use/abuse her by taking advantage and now she's up in arms. For one, this loser doesn't want any commitment to her children and she has him living in her house with him. Gross beyond words. The problem is shacking up. Had OP demanded her "fiance" demonstrate his worth as a prospective husband, ie. planning for their family post nuptials while they are living a part, she wouldn't be seeking advice on how to deal with his sorry ass now. So, again, you are an it, though you probably don't have a ring either- cubic zirconia from your loser live-in BF doesn't count. OP, DTMF and quick![/quote]

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