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[quote=Anonymous]OP, the 4 pm invite probably means the service will be much shorter and will most likely start on time so don't be late.  Sounds like the party is in another place so either you can ferry your child (you can stay for the service or just pick up after) or you can arrange with another parent for your child to be driven over.  The party will have its own time line 6-10 or whatever.  The invite usually has the dress preferred on it (casual, sports, smart casual, cocktail, etc.).  Your child in a button down, khakis and blue blazer will look like every other boy there.  The blazer goes pretty quickly at the party and shirts get untucked once the dancing starts.

I'm not Jewish and had never been to a bar/bat mitzvah party and neither had DC but it's proven to be a very nice experience.  Each one has been a little bit different (the religious service and party).  Some were pretty "high-end" but others were held in a community center.  Some synagogues were very formal and fancy but others were more relaxed, depending on the type of congregation.  Sometimes the service was in the late afternoon and was really just for the bar/bat mitzvah-- other times it was part of the Saturday a.m. service.  Several times the whole a.m. service was for the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony.  For gifts, DC has brought cash or gift cards in a card (something around the $40 to $50 range).  Tell your son that there should be a table right when he goes in for gifts and cards.  If your son was invited specifically on the invitation then the family is expecting you to drop him off.  He can just sit with the other kids.  Tell him it will be like a wedding or any other religious service and to stand/sit when everyone else does.

Tell him to have a great time at the party, DC has loved it every time.

On the $ for funerals question, yes, this is somewhat common here but not AT the funeral.  A number of times at DC's school, funds were collected to either send the deceased back home (to another country) or to help with burial costs here.  These were Christian funerals and burial customs, both for African American and Latino families who needed some assistance with these costs.  Usually the deaths were very much unexpected, and of a younger person, so in particular the families were not prepared to fund funeral costs.  You could give or not give, no problem, like any other charity.   [/quote]

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