Reply to What type of women have emotional/physical affairs with married men?

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[quote=Anonymous]I find it surprising that people are mainly framing what type of woman the OW is based on what she is doing to the wife. As a woman whose DH cheated, I didn't for one minute think the OW owed me anything. I knew it was my husband's responsiblity to look out for me. (and he didn't). The "what kind of woman would do that" question for me, was entirely about why she would settle for some man (my husband) who would do that to his wife and family and treat her like that - at first the OW is treated pretty well but affairs tend to follow the same pattern and it gets ugly.

The thing is, the man is manipulating and lying to his wife in order to get away with it, and it's silly to think he is not manipulating and lying to the OW. He was, big time. My husband said that in hindsight, the whole thing felt like pretend. The relationship was not really grounded in reality and it required a lot of reinventing reality.

A great book on this is called "Being the Other Woman" and its by a journalist who was an OW and interviewed dozens of OWs for her book. There are definite similiarities in that all OWs did have some sort of trauma. In my OW's case, her first husband cheated on her and left her. Obviously she had some unresolved issues. She had also been overweight all of her life and lost weight before the affair so I think she was adapting to that change. Seemed like a little re-living of lost youth, as she moved out on her kids and got an apartment (she was still active in their lives but she chose not to live them which I can't fathom). I don't know. I hope one day to not to care, but the whole thing is still fairly fresh. I'm doing a lot better and thinking of her a lot less often, though clearly still visiting these types of threads and responding to them lets me know I still have some work to do. [/quote]

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