Reply to Is it ever okay for DH to call wife a "b*tch" or "f-ck you" on a regular basis?

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Reply to "Is it ever okay for DH to call wife a "b*tch" or "f-ck you" on a regular basis?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am so sad every time I read a post from a woman who was in the place you were in. But maybe you could post some of the specific steps you took to release yourself from this toxic relationship, so that you could light the way for others who have no idea where to start?[/quote]

OP here - It had to be frustrating, in hindsight, to my friends who were telling me what a toxic relationship I was in for years to watch me stay in it, and not get out..... I think each person reaches their own moment of clarity in their own time to get out of the denial, but these were what did it for me to leave: (1) getting physically ill and literally losing my voice for several months, and realizing there was something wrong eating at me; (2) eading the book "THe Verbally ABusive RElationship" by Patricia Evans and recognizing MY LIFE BEING LAID OUT in a book - that my situation wasn't unique but part of a well-documented pattern; (3) the behavior escalating to breaking things and threats of violence; (4) seeiing self-sufficiency - e.g. getting back to work to earn money, making a 6-12 month game plan for getting out in a smart way without being financial damaged; (5) getting shrink; (6) exploring my own hobbies, realizing that the thigns for which I had been put down for years by DH were actually my "strengths" which is oddly usaul behavior described in the Evans book and (7) establishing more positive friendships/relationships with clearer boundaries...... I'm still a workin progress but I can feel so muhc better, that I wanted to post this for others out there who are looking to leave, or looking to help a friend leave a situation.

Good luck to others out there!  There is a way out, it's just that people have to see it for themselves.....many like me clung to the image of an ideal family or relationship, and refused to step away from it until they saw the relationship for what it was, without the denial of rose-colored glasses....

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