Reply to Do you tolerate strangers calling you “sweetie, doll, dear” etc

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)?  Miss?  Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point?  It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....[/quote]

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.[/quote]

Taking offense at every little thing is also a habit you developed and can stop at any time.

The vast majority of people who use these terms at this point are women who were socialized into it by the expectation that they be friendly and motherly to people even in professional settings.[/quote]

Stop saying offensive things and people won't be....offended. I can't believe I have to spell this out for grown-ups. Are you really THiS STUPID?[/quote]

I'm the PP and I'm not stupid, but now I'm getting why you are having a hard time with this.

You can't use an ounce of empathy to understand that MANY people who say this stuff do not consider it offensive, it's what they call everyone, and they were raised to speak this way? A waitress calling you hon or sweetie is not out to get you. That's just how she talks. If you are so much better and more sophisticated than she is, then surely you can have the good manners and patience to let it go, rather than call her stupid, which is inarguably ruder than calling someone "sweetie."[/quote]

It is not about what you consider offensive. It's about people you call these names consider offensive. So you ARE that stupid. Plenty of people using the R word or the N word think it's totally fine, yet all the decent people know how offensive and wrong it is. It is also not about a waitress calling me sweetie. It's about a person in power calling me sweetie. So, sounds like you haven't learned how to communicate in addition to not learning any manners.[/quote]

PP here.

First of all, I never use these words. I am defending people who do, or suggesting it is not worth it to get upset about them. The fact that you feel comfortable calling me stupid yet didn't understand this says a lot about you.

Second, one thing I consider when I communicate is how my background and that of the other person might differ. If the person I'm talking to is much older or younger, from a part of the world with a different culture, or may have other major differences in outlook, I bake that into our communications. I would be offended if a man I work with who has a similar background to me called me "sweetie." But if a woman I work with who is 30 years my senior and from Alabama did, I probably wouldn't care. Because I would assume the man should understand the negative connotations especially of a man calling a female peer a name like that, but that the older woman might not get that, especially if she comes from a place where everyone (man or woman, old or young) uses those terms.

So no, it's not always about a person in a position of power using this word against you. Sometimes, often actually, it's a person with less power and less social status, using these words because they've been conditioned to soften and feminize their speech to make it more palatable. I am smart enough to understand this nuance, and privileged enough to not get all injured when someone uses a word that I personally wouldn't use. It is VERY different than someone using the n-word or r-word, which are universally known to be offensive. A better comparison to those words would be someone calling someone at work a b-word or c-word, which I would agree is ALWAYS unacceptable.

I have now officially spent more time explaining basic human interactions to you than you deserve, but go ahead and call me stupid again, SWEETIE.[/quote]

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