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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers.  I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum.  I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends.  - mom of teens [/quote]

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.[/quote]

You are bananas.  OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged.  I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something.  That is psycho [/quote]

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?[/quote]

Right.  And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions [/quote]

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.[/quote]

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense.  This didn’t happen to me.  But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation [/quote]

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.[/quote]

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about.  Neither did her kid.  So move on[/quote]

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.[/quote]

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it. [/quote]

DP and I agree that a 6 year old should not be "blamed" for making an innocent social faux pas. But I also think it's VERY important to start explaining this stuff to kids starting at that age. I think a lot of parents don't thinking "oh they don't get it." But I've seen dynamics like this and how quickly they get bad when parents don't clearly explain to their kids how these dynamics work and why it is unkind to be socially competitive/bragging.

I was on the PTA with a parent some years ago who had a kindergartener at the school. I was the president of the PTA (older kids) she was one of the VPs, so we got to know each other well. She is a great person, incredibly hard worker, a real sense of obligation and commitment to community which she sought to share with her daughters. The problem is that she didn't understand that the stuff she said to her daughters, they would repeat to other kids in class, and it sounded not great when coming out of their mouths to other kids.

For instance, this mom might say in private, "I think it's really important to volunteer at the school if you can. I get frustrated when we have events and it's always the same 10 parents volunteering. Why don't other parents volunteer?" This would get translated by her 6 year old, at school, to kids who's parents were not on the PTA and didn't volunteer: "My mom volunteers a lot and your doesn't. Your parents should be volunteering and it's unfair they don't." This gets back to those kids parents and they are understandably pissed because that's super judgmental. If the parent it gets back to is, say, a mom who does shift work and simply cannot volunteer, or a new parent to the school (as many K parents are), they might take real offense to this, and they will frankly be justified in doing so even though the kid who said it didn't really understand what they were saying.

It's the job of the parent to be thoughtful about what they say around their kids and to think of how it gets interpreted in their minds. Kids talk. They pick up on tone, they notice when their parent is sarcastic, critical, or dismissive of other kids parents, and they WILL repeat both the words and tone to other kids at school. It starts early and you need to consider the effect your words and attitude about other families will have on the way your kids interact with classmates. [/quote]

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