Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it.

Maybe there is a solution? Careful what you say around your kids.

Not the solution nor the problem. Not getting invited to things is part of life. This was a small gathering. While generally people (should) try to avoid directly mentioning something to you they may not know if are invited to, there are no top secret social events. You may overhear others talking, you may see a picture, someone may inadvertently or indirectly allude or mention something- it happens and is generally not some intentional vendetta to hurt you. This isn’t an excuse to go ballistic and pester people for leaving you out and insisting you be invited next time. THAT is what you need to teach your kids.

“I refuse to change my behavior so you better change yours!” Good luck with that!

It’s not “my behavior” it’s reality. You won’t be invited to everything and you may sometimes know of things you weren’t invited to attend. You need to learn to manage your feelings. No one is entitled to go to all the things

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it.

Maybe there is a solution? Careful what you say around your kids.

Not the solution nor the problem. Not getting invited to things is part of life. This was a small gathering. While generally people (should) try to avoid directly mentioning something to you they may not know if are invited to, there are no top secret social events. You may overhear others talking, you may see a picture, someone may inadvertently or indirectly allude or mention something- it happens and is generally not some intentional vendetta to hurt you. This isn’t an excuse to go ballistic and pester people for leaving you out and insisting you be invited next time. THAT is what you need to teach your kids.

“I refuse to change my behavior so you better change yours!” Good luck with that!

Anonymous wrote:When did it become the expectation that everyone has to be invited to everything? Do you invite the whole class? The whole school? Everyone within a 5 mile radius? What is the cutoff? And what about kids from activities? Do you also invite the whole soccer team?

Did the people who are complaining about not being invited have thousand person weddings? Do you host people at your house over capacity?

I’m using exaggeration to make a point, but I really wonder about this.

There are just some bitter-sounding people who think they should be invited to everything.

If you don’t care about others you wouldn’t have started a thread like this. You are not OP. OP is at least trying to do the right thing.

When did it become the expectation that everyone has to be invited to everything? Do you invite the whole class? The whole school? Everyone within a 5 mile radius? What is the cutoff? And what about kids from activities? Do you also invite the whole soccer team?

Did the people who are complaining about not being invited have thousand person weddings? Do you host people at your house over capacity?

I’m using exaggeration to make a point, but I really wonder about this.

There are just some bitter-sounding people who think they should be invited to everything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it.

Maybe there is a solution? Careful what you say around your kids.

Not the solution nor the problem. Not getting invited to things is part of life. This was a small gathering. While generally people (should) try to avoid directly mentioning something to you they may not know if are invited to, there are no top secret social events. You may overhear others talking, you may see a picture, someone may inadvertently or indirectly allude or mention something- it happens and is generally not some intentional vendetta to hurt you. This isn’t an excuse to go ballistic and pester people for leaving you out and insisting you be invited next time. THAT is what you need to teach your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons. This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David. I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited). I just say, no, I’m not. I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me. It’s not a big deal.

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation. I don’t know anyone that that would do that

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with.

If your daughter is friends with the other girls, there’s no problem with reaching out and coordinating events with the other parents. If you’re not friends with the other parents, they’re probably very glad to have another child along without the burden of turning a friend gathering into a polite gathering.

I wouldn’t criticize the other parents as being oblivious or judging whether or not they recognize the friendships among their kids. (Or as pp did, calling the other kids mean). Then it raises the question of burdening another family with a kid whose mom judge their kids and families. Why would anyone be inclusive of that?

You sound like the queen bee of your neighborhood clique, justifying why you can’t be inclusive.

The exact opposite. I’m an older mom whose friends’ children are much older. However, my kids are frequently included.

Of course your kids are included. The lack of empathy in here is stunning.

They’re included, in part, because I don’t demand or expect anything of parents whose kids are not their friends.

If you keep criticizing people you want things from, especially when you can’t or won’t offer anything in return, you’ll not get them. Is this not obvious?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it.

DP and I agree that a 6 year old should not be "blamed" for making an innocent social faux pas. But I also think it's VERY important to start explaining this stuff to kids starting at that age. I think a lot of parents don't thinking "oh they don't get it." But I've seen dynamics like this and how quickly they get bad when parents don't clearly explain to their kids how these dynamics work and why it is unkind to be socially competitive/bragging.

I was on the PTA with a parent some years ago who had a kindergartener at the school. I was the president of the PTA (older kids) she was one of the VPs, so we got to know each other well. She is a great person, incredibly hard worker, a real sense of obligation and commitment to community which she sought to share with her daughters. The problem is that she didn't understand that the stuff she said to her daughters, they would repeat to other kids in class, and it sounded not great when coming out of their mouths to other kids.

For instance, this mom might say in private, "I think it's really important to volunteer at the school if you can. I get frustrated when we have events and it's always the same 10 parents volunteering. Why don't other parents volunteer?" This would get translated by her 6 year old, at school, to kids who's parents were not on the PTA and didn't volunteer: "My mom volunteers a lot and your doesn't. Your parents should be volunteering and it's unfair they don't." This gets back to those kids parents and they are understandably pissed because that's super judgmental. If the parent it gets back to is, say, a mom who does shift work and simply cannot volunteer, or a new parent to the school (as many K parents are), they might take real offense to this, and they will frankly be justified in doing so even though the kid who said it didn't really understand what they were saying.

It's the job of the parent to be thoughtful about what they say around their kids and to think of how it gets interpreted in their minds. Kids talk. They pick up on tone, they notice when their parent is sarcastic, critical, or dismissive of other kids parents, and they WILL repeat both the words and tone to other kids at school. It starts early and you need to consider the effect your words and attitude about other families will have on the way your kids interact with classmates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons. This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David. I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited). I just say, no, I’m not. I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me. It’s not a big deal.

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation. I don’t know anyone that that would do that

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with.

If your daughter is friends with the other girls, there’s no problem with reaching out and coordinating events with the other parents. If you’re not friends with the other parents, they’re probably very glad to have another child along without the burden of turning a friend gathering into a polite gathering.

I wouldn’t criticize the other parents as being oblivious or judging whether or not they recognize the friendships among their kids. (Or as pp did, calling the other kids mean). Then it raises the question of burdening another family with a kid whose mom judge their kids and families. Why would anyone be inclusive of that?

You sound like the queen bee of your neighborhood clique, justifying why you can’t be inclusive.

The exact opposite. I’m an older mom whose friends’ children are much older. However, my kids are frequently included.

Of course your kids are included. The lack of empathy in here is stunning.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons. This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David. I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited). I just say, no, I’m not. I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me. It’s not a big deal.

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation. I don’t know anyone that that would do that

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with.

If your daughter is friends with the other girls, there’s no problem with reaching out and coordinating events with the other parents. If you’re not friends with the other parents, they’re probably very glad to have another child along without the burden of turning a friend gathering into a polite gathering.

I wouldn’t criticize the other parents as being oblivious or judging whether or not they recognize the friendships among their kids. (Or as pp did, calling the other kids mean). Then it raises the question of burdening another family with a kid whose mom judge their kids and families. Why would anyone be inclusive of that?

You sound like the queen bee of your neighborhood clique, justifying why you can’t be inclusive.

The exact opposite. I’m an older mom whose friends’ children are much older. However, my kids are frequently included.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons. This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David. I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited). I just say, no, I’m not. I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me. It’s not a big deal.

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation. I don’t know anyone that that would do that

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with.

If your daughter is friends with the other girls, there’s no problem with reaching out and coordinating events with the other parents. If you’re not friends with the other parents, they’re probably very glad to have another child along without the burden of turning a friend gathering into a polite gathering.

I wouldn’t criticize the other parents as being oblivious or judging whether or not they recognize the friendships among their kids. (Or as pp did, calling the other kids mean). Then it raises the question of burdening another family with a kid whose mom judge their kids and families. Why would anyone be inclusive of that?

You sound like the queen bee of your neighborhood clique, justifying why you can’t be inclusive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it.

Maybe there is a solution? Careful what you say around your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons. This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David. I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited). I just say, no, I’m not. I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me. It’s not a big deal.

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation. I don’t know anyone that that would do that

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with.

If your daughter is friends with the other girls, there’s no problem with reaching out and coordinating events with the other parents. If you’re not friends with the other parents, they’re probably very glad to have another child along without the burden of turning a friend gathering into a polite gathering.

I wouldn’t criticize the other parents as being oblivious or judging whether or not they recognize the friendships among their kids. (Or as pp did, calling the other kids mean). Then it raises the question of burdening another family with a kid whose mom judge their kids and families. Why would anyone be inclusive of that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

It’s normal to occasionally find out about something you weren’t invited to for many reasons. This wasn’t a gathering at Camp David. I’ve had a friend ask me if I’m going to So and So’s dinner on the weekend (when I didn’t even know about it, i.e. I wasn’t invited). I just say, no, I’m not. I don’t make that person feel bad for mentioning it nor do I call up the host and harangue her for not inviting me. It’s not a big deal.

Read the op. A kid mentioned it to another kid. Kids shouldn’t do that. Because look what happens.

And sometimes they do. It isn’t normal for one parent to confront another like this over an invitation. I don’t know anyone that that would do that

I agree it's not normal but also we are just getting OP's perspective here. Generally when a person's behavior seems irrational to me, the problem is that I don't have enough info. Perhaps if the heard the other woman's POV, we'd at least understand her behavior, even if we still disagreed with it.

My suspicion is that her kid is having a hard time making friends and fitting in and she feels powerless to help him. Worst case scenario, the kids in this friend group are being overtly unkind and exclusionary. OP might not even be aware of these problems, but this woman may be hearing a lot about it from her kid and it's making her react emotionally.

People tend to be protective of their kids. My DD knew some girls in elementary who were not kind to her. It wasn't a huge deal but they were just very critical and condescending. It's hopefully a behavior they outgrew. I told her to steer clear of them and she did, it wasn't a huge problem. But I will admit that it made me distrust their moms and I wound up steering clear of them, too. Maybe that was unfair, but hearing about stuff like that from your kid just changes how you view another family.

+1 and I said this on the first page of this thread.
This is not about the mom wanting to bust into your exclusive social group. This is about her kid feeling left out.
The alpha mom at my school had been nothing but nice to ME. She has offered help with projects, invited me out for drinks and even a weekend trip. But she excludes my son who is shy and awkward and not sporty. "It's too bad the boys aren't friends". She has implied that he should try harder to get into her son's tight knit group. The truth is that her son is mean to mine and I have witnessed it. "You suck, loser" etc. I dont feel like seeing her knowing that. And if I told her she would never believe it.

+1. The mom was upset because her son was being excluded. I have to deal with this with my daughter. She is friends with girls from our neighborhood, but because a group of families have formed an exclusive socializing clique - I’ve had to reach out to make sure my daughter gets included in certain events with her friends, because most of the parents are too oblivious and focused on their own social lives to realize that the kids of their clique aren’t even friends. This year for Halloween- I was proactive and reached out to a mom in the group I’m friendly with to make sure that DD could trick or treat with the group. I don’t want to be invited to the mom’s wine nights - I just want DD to be included with kids she is friends with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

OP didn’t lash. The other mom did. Also, healthy people don’t blame kids for adult problems.

Normal people can understand cause and effect. It's clear you don't think talking about parties in front of people not invited is even an issue so not sure why you think you're qualified to give any advice. The mom has ignored OP since this initial act of rudeness. The message is loud and clear that she's not interested in OP because she probably doesn't even want her kid around these people anymore.

If OP and her kid didn’t talk it’s not OP’s problem someone did. It is this mom’s problem that she’s upset. She’s trying to find another adult to make their problem. OP shouldn’t let her make it OP’s.

You may not see a problem but OP is posting about her problem with this.

Yes, the other mom tried to make it OP’s problem. OP should take the very good advice given many times in this thread and ignore or delete and block.

OP feels guilty because she knows the kids were rude talking about it. It's called a guilty conscience. She knows it was wrong.

She feels guilty, because the other mom is manipulative and wants her to feel guilty. It’s not wrong to have friends. It is wrong to emotionally dump on someone who’s not your paid therapist.

As I mentioned, the 6 year old mentioned it. I remind my kids not to and tend to not share plans with them. I drive or carpool children and they will tell me they went to a play date or have a party. They are small children and while reminding of social skills, I don’t hold them to the same standard as adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you sound like a bunch of middle schoolers. I thought I was in the teen forum and couldn’t believe what I was reading and just noticed I was in the elementary forum. I must have clicked here by mistake.

Ignore the mom and stop caring what anyone thinks. Soon enough, you won’t even know the parents of your kids friends. - mom of teens

^^^^

We've just found the mom that does this stuff on purpose.

You are bananas. OP did nothing at all wrong and the other mom sounds unhinged. I cannot imagine caring about this or confronting another parent about not being invited to something. That is psycho

Psycho is not explaining to your kids social norms. Since you can't control others behavior, stop putting yourself in the position to get blow back. It's really very simple. Shut your mouth, and nothing will happen. You can't control others so control your own behavior, right?

Right. And it’s never ok to invite yourself or guilt/shame someone into inviting you to something, no matter what you overhear. Go make your own plans and control your emotions

If you felt shamed, don’t keep making the same mistake. Manage the crap coming out of your mouth first. Why are you resisting the obvious solution? Keep your social plans to yourself because you can’t control others.

“I” wasn’t shamed. You are spouting nonsense. This didn’t happen to me. But clearly that was the intent of the parent OP was talking about that confronted her over this situation

So, as you know, when you can't control other people, you have to control your own behavior. In this case, stop talking in front of others about your parties. That's all that is needed. Not trying to scold strangers about how they should or should not react to the initial rudeness.

Ok. And OP didn’t talk about. Neither did her kid. So move on

Instead of lashing out at this other mom, blame the kids who talked. There are reasons these social norms exist.

Child who mentioned it is 6 and overheard parents talking about it.