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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]TBH I would definitely not bring a man into my home with a six year old daughter. But I am nuts--I never told people, but I never left my daughters alone with any man besides my DH, my dad, and my brother (all of whom I trust) when they were young. I didn't announce this policy, but I never even would leave them with my FIL or BIL. You never know... stepdads are kind of the number one abusers of children, I think....[/quote]

Same. I wouldn't even leave my 6-year-old alone with my dad or brother, and I have no reason not to trust them - I spent an entire childhood at home with no issue.  And [b]maybe [/b]I am nuts too, but I've never left my daughter alone with a man other than her father: no sleepaway camps, no sleepovers.  It's nothing I've announced either.  I just have a powerful feeling that I have to protect her.  [/quote]

"Maybe" is doing an awful lot of work here.  [/quote]

Eh, I've discussed this with my girlfriends, and it's close to universally believed that remarriage is off the table if you have an under-18 daughter living at home.  [/quote]

Yes, that's the "rule" in my circle, too. why do you need to be married or even living together? Have trysts in nice hotels or the guest house. Leave your kids out of it.[/quote]

I was sexually abused by my stepfather. I had no idea how common it was. I had no idea people KNEW how common it was. I wish my mother had.[/quote]Sadly, many single moms are so desperate to get another man, any man, that they will ignore the obvious red flags either consciously or unconsciously and expose their children to predators in exchange for the predators companionship and financial support.  Then they live in denial of the horrible abuse that they themselves enabled.[/quote]

Is this a commonly known fact? I am the daughter of a widowed mother and had no idea.[/quote]Yes.  Part of it is because the single moms aren't marrying these guys for love or attraction but for expedience. So deep down and again maybe at an unconscious level, the screwed up thinking is if the stepdad is attracted to the stepchild there will be less in the way of sexual and emotional demands placed on the mother.  There is also resentment of the child by its mom involved.  In a way the mom is pimping the child to the stepfather.  Meanwhile the mom ignores all the creepy warning signs.  [/quote]

No, I think this is a very cynical view of mothers. I think they are paralyzed by the horror of what they've done, and sometimes they have no access to money to escape and are completely dependent on their new spouse. Predators prey on weak and very vulnerable women.  Very few mothers would pimp their daughters in the way you've described. Most would throw themselves in front of a bus to save their child. [/quote]

It's not really any more or less cynical than viewing all males as potential abusers.  It's just the other side of the same coin.

And the confirmation is provided in this thread.  The OP is a single mom who is actually contemplating marriage or moving in with a man even though she herself is unsure whether he is an abuser or not.

A little more financial pressure, a little more loneliness and neediness and maybe she wouldn't even bother to ask these questions as the answers might not be conducive to the relationship.

Single moms as a group are notoriously irresponsible and selfish.  At least the ones who are actively on the dating market with the intent of landing themselves w.step daddy.  I'm not talking about the single moms who recognize the risks and commit to not exposing their minor children to them.  Many in this thread express the idea of waiting until the child is at least in college to seriously date.  That's not desired, it's recognized as an unfortunate necessity by responsible single moms.[/quote]

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