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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would be very worried about porn and self help …. Which can be habit forming and lead to bad habits.

Am I understating right that this is a new thing for him and he previously was sleeping around n a lot?  This seems like just a big pendulum swing, rather than a thoughtful approach to life.  Like he’s using you to make a point to himself.  It’s one thing to say “no sex until we really get to know each other” but he’s saying no sex for years, which seems unrealistic.  My parents waited until marriage but I think they got married in like a year from when they met.  
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+ I agree about the pendulum swing. It’s an extreme response to prior behavior - very “all or nothing.” If celibacy for years is the only strategy  to address his prior poor coping mechanisms, it’s not likely to be very successful - especially if he isn’t actually addressing the “problems” with therapy, etc. It’s just misguided, and very inflexible - where is there room for OP in all of this? What about her needs?

It may be that he’s simply not ready for a serious relationship. If celibacy is his journey, then fine - but he should do it on his own. If OP is still around when he’s ready for emotional and physical intimacy, then great. But to force his partner to adhere to the steps he’s taking to address prior promiscuity - for “years” - is not a fair ask, especially if OP is really struggling either it. It doesn’t bode well for their potential marriage, which requires healthy communication and thoughtful consideration of each other’s needs.

Honestly, how can you know if you are sexually compatible? Is it possible he has ED (is he willing to do other things besides se*?).

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