Reply to My wife wants to move and I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. [b]If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that. [/b]

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.        [/quote]

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically.  I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded.  It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades.  There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons.  [b]Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that. [/b]

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move.  Is it selfish?  I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug.  Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc.  But do not move.  [/quote]

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight?   Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead.  How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest.  God forbid he ever think of anyone else.[/quote]

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's?  Please be specific.  [/quote]

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