Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

I am a DP, but was going to say the same thing to you. I mean seriously, my mouth fell open at your response. You are supporting and coaching a horrible human being that will force his wife and child to stay in DC, divorced with no chance of any help from her family because she would not be able to move now.

I hope people who know him learn what a horrible person he is, and you are for condoning his behavior.

He's a horrible human? He has admitted his flaws, and said he wants to work on them. Please stop hyperventilating.

Ah, the “women are crazy” argument. How original. Also please point out where OP says he wants to work on his flaws. He definitely has admitted to checking out of parenting. Other than “I should go to therapy” where did he offer to work on anything? Both of his posts are arms-crossed missives on why he should get his way because “that’s not how marriage works” (although OP moved for him last time so him getting his way is how marriage works?). This perspective of non-compromise, and your advice, is not how healthy marriages work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

I am a DP, but was going to say the same thing to you. I mean seriously, my mouth fell open at your response. You are supporting and coaching a horrible human being that will force his wife and child to stay in DC, divorced with no chance of any help from her family because she would not be able to move now.

I hope people who know him learn what a horrible person he is, and you are for condoning his behavior.

He's a horrible human? He has admitted his flaws, and said he wants to work on them. Please stop hyperventilating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

I am a DP, but was going to say the same thing to you. I mean seriously, my mouth fell open at your response. You are supporting and coaching a horrible human being that will force his wife and child to stay in DC, divorced with no chance of any help from her family because she would not be able to move now.

I hope people who know him learn what a horrible person he is, and you are for condoning his behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

Delinquent dads and husbands absolutely ruin their spouse and children’s lives. Everything they have to claw back from having an absentee father nor life partner is in spite of his selfishness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP but you sound like a whiner. You don’t like your job. You aren’t thrilled being a parent. You don’t like her family. You may not like your wife and you clearly don’t like being married and tied to all that that entails. Your wife may want to head back to the Midwest because she has family there and doesn’t in DC and that includes you. She may be better off heading home without you and starting life over. You might be happier too.

He’s mediocre in every way and thinks that moving will signal that to everyone else. Hey OP—they already know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

How, precisely, will this ruin her life, and their child's? Please be specific.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP but you sound like a whiner. You don’t like your job. You aren’t thrilled being a parent. You don’t like her family. You may not like your wife and you clearly don’t like being married and tied to all that that entails. Your wife may want to head back to the Midwest because she has family there and doesn’t in DC and that includes you. She may be better off heading home without you and starting life over. You might be happier too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Some of the things like, he misses having no responsibilities, can see his wife is drowning, and has decided not to help by pulling his weight? Yeah, she might be planning an exit if she has the emotional bandwidth to think that far ahead. How kind of you to coach him through ruining the next 20 years of her life (and their kid's!) so that his isn't interrupted in the slightest. God forbid he ever think of anyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.

I agree, OP, that you would benefit from therapy, and coming to the realization that your previous child-free life has changed drastically. I also agree, to a certain extent, that you need to suck it up.

However, unlike other posters, I do NOT think you should move, based on the bolded. It's entirely possible your marriage could end after you move, and you would, as you said, be stuck in a place you don't want to be for the better part of two decades. There's also a (much smaller) possibility that your wife plans a divorce, but wants to move before springing it on you for just those reasons. Frankly, some of the things you say about your relationship suggest that.

Because that possibility would dramatically change, for the worse, the course of your life, I wouldn't move. Is it selfish? I guess, but it's too important a decision, and consequence, to just wave away with a "you should do it for your wife" shrug. Work on your marriage, be a better husband and father, seek therapy, etc. But do not move.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can she move and you fly out to visit her on weekends? I know a lot of people who travel for work during the week.

Might as well divorce now. 100% OP will cheat.

Anonymous wrote:Let her move and just be a summer Disney dad