Reply to I am married to a passive, un-masculine man

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I am married to a passive, un-masculine man"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look, you can’t change who people are at their core. If your spouse isn’t the person you want him to be, leaving is the kindest thing for you both.[/quote]

This is some real mental gymnastics here to make leaving the kind thing to do.[/quote]

It's not fair or a reasonable goal for OP to ask her husband to be someone different, especially if he hasn't changed dramatically since they met. After all, personality tends to remain stable in adulthood. She has somehow decided that the man she chose to partner with is no longer the man she wants to be partnered to.

The general rule of good boundaries apply here: While you can ask for what you need, you can't control others, only your own behavior. OP is within her rights to say "Can you help me with this project [that I perceive as a masculine household duty," or "Can we try something different in the bedroom?" And if those things will satisfy her need for a masculine man and her husband feels comfortable and uncoerced in complying, great. Then communication is the solution.

So if OP wants someone with different interests, different attitudes, and different skill sets, and/or different body type, what she wants is a different man. These things are basic compatibility issues, the type of stuff you sort out when dating or in pre-marital counseling. If she doesn't think she can learn to accept and fully embrace the man she has, then she needs to walk away from this relationship. Barring reaching that acceptance, she's going to dislike or resent her husband for who he is, which is a dead end from which a relationship cannot recover. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics