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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a fat, dumpy, happily married woman and am sure I could remarry quickly if anything happened to my DH.  DH’s divorced friends tell him that they wouldn’t be divorced if their wives had been more like me…laid back, optimistic, sense of humor and easy to get on with.

I think most never-married women and men in their 40s likely are rigid and controlling even down to their ideas about what they want in a relationship.  Or they have mental issues that send out red flags to potential mates.  And at least half of the divorced ones are too probably, but you can’t be certain there because the other half could have been the cause.[/quote]

Same here, the happy go lucky dumb doormat strategy has served me and my marriage well too. [/quote]

Other than this thread seeming to be a bunch of married people gazing out from the comfort their couches and casually labeling singles as mentally ill, my favorite part of this thread is the delusional, yet hilarious, attempted flex of the self-identified dumpy PPs above, basking in the certainty of re-marriage should they desire it. I am happily married, but have no illusions that I was lucky to find my match early, and that the current dating scene is at best a challenge, at worst a horror show once kids and careers are in the mix. Married people, lighten up on the smug judgement. It’s ugly. Dumpy PP, you sound happily married, and good for you. You should stay there. :)[/quote]

Listen I agree with you to an extent, I am a happily married person gazing out from the comfort of my couch for sure. And finding my husband who I am SO compatible with at an early age was absolutely somewhat luck. For sure. And some friends of mine who got married later or had struggles (one who got divorced at 31) were more a victim of the bad luck thing. They just couldn't find a good guy. And I do not think they are mentally ill or fundamentally flawed or anything like that. They were out there, dating, working on themselves, trying as hard as they could, being fairly attractive and not insane.

But I have other friends who have always just seemed stunted. Never left their parents house, never put themselves out there. Friends who used our friend group as their entire social scene and never TRIED. Who every time they would tell me about a new guy they had met at work or whatever who seemed to show them a shred of interest they would invent 100 reasons why the guys was weird for talking to them and act like 13 year old girls running away from a guy who had a crush on them. And sure were some of those guys creepy? I'm sure, but at some point you start to think, maybe you're just never giving anyone a chance.

These girls would say I wanted them to lower their standards, but what I was really saying is that they were judgmental jerks who judged people within seconds of meeting them and never gave a single guy more than a couple of minutes to make an impression. Short of like Ryan Gosling showing up and asking them out I think they would have found something wrong with ANYONE. And there they are still, living with their parents, codependent on one another, not giving anyone a chance. Except now we're almost 40 and sitting around hanging out like we're 24 talking crap about people and playing video games just isn't as fun. Everyone else grew up, and now they are mad at everyone who moved on without them.

Notably, both of these groups are not women who were just very independent/driven who just never wanted to settle down and were happy with a childfree/husband free life. I know a couple of them and while I wouldn't be happy if I had their life, they 100% are very happy with their choices and I don't think they are unlucky or mentally ill. So there is nuance with all of this, the very fact that a woman is unmarried doesn't say anything about them, it is the way they got there, whether or not they are happy with their lives and 100 other things that lead to that situation.[/quote]

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