Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a fat, dumpy, happily married woman and am sure I could remarry quickly if anything happened to my DH. DH’s divorced friends tell him that they wouldn’t be divorced if their wives had been more like me…laid back, optimistic, sense of humor and easy to get on with.

I think most never-married women and men in their 40s likely are rigid and controlling even down to their ideas about what they want in a relationship. Or they have mental issues that send out red flags to potential mates. And at least half of the divorced ones are too probably, but you can’t be certain there because the other half could have been the cause.

Same here, the happy go lucky dumb doormat strategy has served me and my marriage well too.

PP here — Your irony is not lost on me. I am highly educated, smart, and not a doormat in any way. I have a successful career. You can be all those things and still be nice and easy to get along with. Try it sometime!

With kids?

With a “laid back” partner?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a fat, dumpy, happily married woman and am sure I could remarry quickly if anything happened to my DH. DH’s divorced friends tell him that they wouldn’t be divorced if their wives had been more like me…laid back, optimistic, sense of humor and easy to get on with.

I think most never-married women and men in their 40s likely are rigid and controlling even down to their ideas about what they want in a relationship. Or they have mental issues that send out red flags to potential mates. And at least half of the divorced ones are too probably, but you can’t be certain there because the other half could have been the cause.

Same here, the happy go lucky dumb doormat strategy has served me and my marriage well too.

Other than this thread seeming to be a bunch of married people gazing out from the comfort their couches and casually labeling singles as mentally ill, my favorite part of this thread is the delusional, yet hilarious, attempted flex of the self-identified dumpy PPs above, basking in the certainty of re-marriage should they desire it. I am happily married, but have no illusions that I was lucky to find my match early, and that the current dating scene is at best a challenge, at worst a horror show once kids and careers are in the mix. Married people, lighten up on the smug judgement. It’s ugly. Dumpy PP, you sound happily married, and good for you. You should stay there.

Listen I agree with you to an extent, I am a happily married person gazing out from the comfort of my couch for sure. And finding my husband who I am SO compatible with at an early age was absolutely somewhat luck. For sure. And some friends of mine who got married later or had struggles (one who got divorced at 31) were more a victim of the bad luck thing. They just couldn't find a good guy. And I do not think they are mentally ill or fundamentally flawed or anything like that. They were out there, dating, working on themselves, trying as hard as they could, being fairly attractive and not insane.

But I have other friends who have always just seemed stunted. Never left their parents house, never put themselves out there. Friends who used our friend group as their entire social scene and never TRIED. Who every time they would tell me about a new guy they had met at work or whatever who seemed to show them a shred of interest they would invent 100 reasons why the guys was weird for talking to them and act like 13 year old girls running away from a guy who had a crush on them. And sure were some of those guys creepy? I'm sure, but at some point you start to think, maybe you're just never giving anyone a chance.

These girls would say I wanted them to lower their standards, but what I was really saying is that they were judgmental jerks who judged people within seconds of meeting them and never gave a single guy more than a couple of minutes to make an impression. Short of like Ryan Gosling showing up and asking them out I think they would have found something wrong with ANYONE. And there they are still, living with their parents, codependent on one another, not giving anyone a chance. Except now we're almost 40 and sitting around hanging out like we're 24 talking crap about people and playing video games just isn't as fun. Everyone else grew up, and now they are mad at everyone who moved on without them.

Notably, both of these groups are not women who were just very independent/driven who just never wanted to settle down and were happy with a childfree/husband free life. I know a couple of them and while I wouldn't be happy if I had their life, they 100% are very happy with their choices and I don't think they are unlucky or mentally ill. So there is nuance with all of this, the very fact that a woman is unmarried doesn't say anything about them, it is the way they got there, whether or not they are happy with their lives and 100 other things that lead to that situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We'll reach gender equality when dumb women find it entirely normal to say that a man was genuinely attractive facially but dumpy.

This could be said about a fair number of DC men. The rest are just ugly.

Yeah, it’s DC, not New York or LA. The standards here for both sides are much lower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a fat, dumpy, happily married woman and am sure I could remarry quickly if anything happened to my DH. DH’s divorced friends tell him that they wouldn’t be divorced if their wives had been more like me…laid back, optimistic, sense of humor and easy to get on with.

I think most never-married women and men in their 40s likely are rigid and controlling even down to their ideas about what they want in a relationship. Or they have mental issues that send out red flags to potential mates. And at least half of the divorced ones are too probably, but you can’t be certain there because the other half could have been the cause.

Same here, the happy go lucky dumb doormat strategy has served me and my marriage well too.

Other than this thread seeming to be a bunch of married people gazing out from the comfort their couches and casually labeling singles as mentally ill, my favorite part of this thread is the delusional, yet hilarious, attempted flex of the self-identified dumpy PPs above, basking in the certainty of re-marriage should they desire it. I am happily married, but have no illusions that I was lucky to find my match early, and that the current dating scene is at best a challenge, at worst a horror show once kids and careers are in the mix. Married people, lighten up on the smug judgement. It’s ugly. Dumpy PP, you sound happily married, and good for you. You should stay there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a fat, dumpy, happily married woman and am sure I could remarry quickly if anything happened to my DH. DH’s divorced friends tell him that they wouldn’t be divorced if their wives had been more like me…laid back, optimistic, sense of humor and easy to get on with.

I think most never-married women and men in their 40s likely are rigid and controlling even down to their ideas about what they want in a relationship. Or they have mental issues that send out red flags to potential mates. And at least half of the divorced ones are too probably, but you can’t be certain there because the other half could have been the cause.

Same here, the happy go lucky dumb doormat strategy has served me and my marriage well too.

PP here — Your irony is not lost on me. I am highly educated, smart, and not a doormat in any way. I have a successful career. You can be all those things and still be nice and easy to get along with. Try it sometime!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)

I don't think single women are doing better than men at homeownership, but rather, men who can afford homes also choose to get married (to women who couldn't afford a home on their own).

Or perhaps the women who couldn't afford a home on their own are more likely to seek out a man who can afford a home.

Just don't want to assume what is correlation and what is causation here.

Exactly - I’m a single divorced woman with own home, stable job, car, international travel once a year and short weekend trips with my family. I have a housekeeper coming every 2 weeks. It would take seriously falling in love with someone for me to remarry and I need to feel that person is really pulling off his weight in the relationship. Mentally, financially, time availability etc

Other than money and income earning ability, what do you think you bring to the relationship table? Serious question. The only stuff you mentioned is your ability to pay for certain things and what you think your needs are.

You didn't mention what you could bring to your partner other than money. And since it seems as if you still want a partner who has more money than you, why should a guy equivalent or better than you financially settle for you?

I'm a great cook, educator (already sent one talented biological child to Ivy, and can send another set of kids, it won't be my own babies at this point but steps), wine&art connoisseur, can discuss many political and cultural topics with my partner; share their interests (if they align with mine such as tennis, skiing, reading, joint attendance of concerts, travel); can help out with his career and personal growth. I also have cute face, weigh 139 pounds at 5'9 height, still have 27' mid section and perky boobs, and love sex. Not sure if men bring the same to the table. Most just don't, otherwise I wouldn't beating them off with a stick from my door step. Had 2 marriage proposals in one year post divorce.

Two marriage proposals in one year is impressive! Can you share what you think allowed you to have that sort of luck? What were the men like? Where they looking for marriage right out the gate? How old were you?

I was 44 at that time, just dating. Divorced at 42 after a very long marriage. One man was 2 years younger never married and he proposed within 3 months. He said I was very level headed and he was eager to start a family soon (it would be the donor egg for me biological child for him). But he wanted a baby within 2 years which was too fast for me. I wasn’t ready to pull off a new family right after my divorce although I’m not opposed having more kids. A second man divorced 10 years ago, early 50s and just wanted to settle I think. More of a convenience /checking boxes after he dated for a while and got tired. Yes, both men were marriage oriented from the start, at the right point in life.
I’m 46 now and date early 50s man who is also open to marry but I’m not ready. I would remarry by my 50s, I told him.

You wanted to have a kid in your mid 40s? You still would?

It sounds kind of like both of these guys are a bit peculiar and desperate. Any port in a storm right?

No I don’t really want to have kids in my 40s, which is why I broke up with the younger man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)

I don't think single women are doing better than men at homeownership, but rather, men who can afford homes also choose to get married (to women who couldn't afford a home on their own).

Or perhaps the women who couldn't afford a home on their own are more likely to seek out a man who can afford a home.

Just don't want to assume what is correlation and what is causation here.

Exactly - I’m a single divorced woman with own home, stable job, car, international travel once a year and short weekend trips with my family. I have a housekeeper coming every 2 weeks. It would take seriously falling in love with someone for me to remarry and I need to feel that person is really pulling off his weight in the relationship. Mentally, financially, time availability etc

Other than money and income earning ability, what do you think you bring to the relationship table? Serious question. The only stuff you mentioned is your ability to pay for certain things and what you think your needs are.

You didn't mention what you could bring to your partner other than money. And since it seems as if you still want a partner who has more money than you, why should a guy equivalent or better than you financially settle for you?

I'm a great cook, educator (already sent one talented biological child to Ivy, and can send another set of kids, it won't be my own babies at this point but steps), wine&art connoisseur, can discuss many political and cultural topics with my partner; share their interests (if they align with mine such as tennis, skiing, reading, joint attendance of concerts, travel); can help out with his career and personal growth. I also have cute face, weigh 139 pounds at 5'9 height, still have 27' mid section and perky boobs, and love sex. Not sure if men bring the same to the table. Most just don't, otherwise I wouldn't beating them off with a stick from my door step. Had 2 marriage proposals in one year post divorce.

Two marriage proposals in one year is impressive! Can you share what you think allowed you to have that sort of luck? What were the men like? Where they looking for marriage right out the gate? How old were you?

I was 44 at that time, just dating. Divorced at 42 after a very long marriage. One man was 2 years younger never married and he proposed within 3 months. He said I was very level headed and he was eager to start a family soon (it would be the donor egg for me biological child for him). But he wanted a baby within 2 years which was too fast for me. I wasn’t ready to pull off a new family right after my divorce although I’m not opposed having more kids. A second man divorced 10 years ago, early 50s and just wanted to settle I think. More of a convenience /checking boxes after he dated for a while and got tired. Yes, both men were marriage oriented from the start, at the right point in life.
I’m 46 now and date early 50s man who is also open to marry but I’m not ready. I would remarry by my 50s, I told him.

You wanted to have a kid in your mid 40s? You still would?

It sounds kind of like both of these guys are a bit peculiar and desperate. Any port in a storm right?

Agreed, that vignette was not a flex. And what man says to a 44 year old woman, in the first 3 months of dating, “Please have my baby using a donor egg, darling!” Either that man is insane, or this falls under the genre of Things That Never, Ever Happened.

He didn’t request it after 3 months dating. You are twisting what I wrote. People discuss long term plans if it’s a serious relationship, and he wanted this to happen in 2 years. This board is full of women claiming they are happily married for 20 years after sleeping with someone on date 1 and getting married to that person in 6 months.
Yes, I found that many men in their mid 40s or 50s are actually desperate to find an island of stability in a woman. Just like many women in mid 30s are desperate to have babies

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)

I don't think single women are doing better than men at homeownership, but rather, men who can afford homes also choose to get married (to women who couldn't afford a home on their own).

Or perhaps the women who couldn't afford a home on their own are more likely to seek out a man who can afford a home.

Just don't want to assume what is correlation and what is causation here.

Exactly - I’m a single divorced woman with own home, stable job, car, international travel once a year and short weekend trips with my family. I have a housekeeper coming every 2 weeks. It would take seriously falling in love with someone for me to remarry and I need to feel that person is really pulling off his weight in the relationship. Mentally, financially, time availability etc

Other than money and income earning ability, what do you think you bring to the relationship table? Serious question. The only stuff you mentioned is your ability to pay for certain things and what you think your needs are.

You didn't mention what you could bring to your partner other than money. And since it seems as if you still want a partner who has more money than you, why should a guy equivalent or better than you financially settle for you?

I'm a great cook, educator (already sent one talented biological child to Ivy, and can send another set of kids, it won't be my own babies at this point but steps), wine&art connoisseur, can discuss many political and cultural topics with my partner; share their interests (if they align with mine such as tennis, skiing, reading, joint attendance of concerts, travel); can help out with his career and personal growth. I also have cute face, weigh 139 pounds at 5'9 height, still have 27' mid section and perky boobs, and love sex. Not sure if men bring the same to the table. Most just don't, otherwise I wouldn't beating them off with a stick from my door step. Had 2 marriage proposals in one year post divorce.

Two marriage proposals in one year is impressive! Can you share what you think allowed you to have that sort of luck? What were the men like? Where they looking for marriage right out the gate? How old were you?

I was 44 at that time, just dating. Divorced at 42 after a very long marriage. One man was 2 years younger never married and he proposed within 3 months. He said I was very level headed and he was eager to start a family soon (it would be the donor egg for me biological child for him). But he wanted a baby within 2 years which was too fast for me. I wasn’t ready to pull off a new family right after my divorce although I’m not opposed having more kids. A second man divorced 10 years ago, early 50s and just wanted to settle I think. More of a convenience /checking boxes after he dated for a while and got tired. Yes, both men were marriage oriented from the start, at the right point in life.
I’m 46 now and date early 50s man who is also open to marry but I’m not ready. I would remarry by my 50s, I told him.

You wanted to have a kid in your mid 40s? You still would?

It sounds kind of like both of these guys are a bit peculiar and desperate. Any port in a storm right?

Agreed, that vignette was not a flex. And what man says to a 44 year old woman, in the first 3 months of dating, “Please have my baby using a donor egg, darling!” Either that man is insane, or this falls under the genre of Things That Never, Ever Happened.

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those 45+, never married, single mom women. Had a fiancé who was so sweet, fit, smart, educated and loving. He also could only ask 5-10minutes in the bedroom. It was a major deal breaker for me. I wish I could have endured our sexual issues. I ended it and have never met another man who measures up character-wise.

I went on to have a kid with a fling. He was great in bed, but horrible character and values.

Now, I would like to get married to an older and loving man. But I have two homes, a solid retirement plan, and financially stable lifestyle. Getting married seems so risky. I meet men often and I have tried to secure long lasting relationships. My tolerance is very low. The last guy who I really loved would have these scary arguments with me. My stomach would get so sick after our arguments. He had a history of anger management and even walked out on his wife and two children (1 a newborn). I tried so hard to deal with it because we got along in other areas. But his anger created a big distance and I just decided to remain single instead of trying to push for more romance.

I do feel like a failure because I have not secured a husband. But all my married friends have tolerated infidelity, verbal abuse, unemployed husbands, addicts, criminal behavior or sexless marriages at some point in the relationship. I don't know what the right answers are. But I don't have the mental fortitude to deal with a partner who causes lots of volatility in my life.

This proves that no matter what women SAY they want in a man, they are sexually attracted to and will reproduce with "bad boys."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)

I don't think single women are doing better than men at homeownership, but rather, men who can afford homes also choose to get married (to women who couldn't afford a home on their own).

Or perhaps the women who couldn't afford a home on their own are more likely to seek out a man who can afford a home.

Just don't want to assume what is correlation and what is causation here.

Exactly - I’m a single divorced woman with own home, stable job, car, international travel once a year and short weekend trips with my family. I have a housekeeper coming every 2 weeks. It would take seriously falling in love with someone for me to remarry and I need to feel that person is really pulling off his weight in the relationship. Mentally, financially, time availability etc

Other than money and income earning ability, what do you think you bring to the relationship table? Serious question. The only stuff you mentioned is your ability to pay for certain things and what you think your needs are.

You didn't mention what you could bring to your partner other than money. And since it seems as if you still want a partner who has more money than you, why should a guy equivalent or better than you financially settle for you?

I'm a great cook, educator (already sent one talented biological child to Ivy, and can send another set of kids, it won't be my own babies at this point but steps), wine&art connoisseur, can discuss many political and cultural topics with my partner; share their interests (if they align with mine such as tennis, skiing, reading, joint attendance of concerts, travel); can help out with his career and personal growth. I also have cute face, weigh 139 pounds at 5'9 height, still have 27' mid section and perky boobs, and love sex. Not sure if men bring the same to the table. Most just don't, otherwise I wouldn't beating them off with a stick from my door step. Had 2 marriage proposals in one year post divorce.

Two marriage proposals in one year is impressive! Can you share what you think allowed you to have that sort of luck? What were the men like? Where they looking for marriage right out the gate? How old were you?

I was 44 at that time, just dating. Divorced at 42 after a very long marriage. One man was 2 years younger never married and he proposed within 3 months. He said I was very level headed and he was eager to start a family soon (it would be the donor egg for me biological child for him). But he wanted a baby within 2 years which was too fast for me. I wasn’t ready to pull off a new family right after my divorce although I’m not opposed having more kids. A second man divorced 10 years ago, early 50s and just wanted to settle I think. More of a convenience /checking boxes after he dated for a while and got tired. Yes, both men were marriage oriented from the start, at the right point in life.
I’m 46 now and date early 50s man who is also open to marry but I’m not ready. I would remarry by my 50s, I told him.

You wanted to have a kid in your mid 40s? You still would?

It sounds kind of like both of these guys are a bit peculiar and desperate. Any port in a storm right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single women make up 17% of homeowners. Single men? 9%. We don't need mediocre white men to live fulfilling lives.

https://www.bankrate.com/mortgages/single-women-pursue-homeownership/#:~:text=As%20of%202023%2C%20single%20women,percent%20of%20real%20estate%20purchases.)

I don't think single women are doing better than men at homeownership, but rather, men who can afford homes also choose to get married (to women who couldn't afford a home on their own).

Or perhaps the women who couldn't afford a home on their own are more likely to seek out a man who can afford a home.

Just don't want to assume what is correlation and what is causation here.

Exactly - I’m a single divorced woman with own home, stable job, car, international travel once a year and short weekend trips with my family. I have a housekeeper coming every 2 weeks. It would take seriously falling in love with someone for me to remarry and I need to feel that person is really pulling off his weight in the relationship. Mentally, financially, time availability etc

Other than money and income earning ability, what do you think you bring to the relationship table? Serious question. The only stuff you mentioned is your ability to pay for certain things and what you think your needs are.

You didn't mention what you could bring to your partner other than money. And since it seems as if you still want a partner who has more money than you, why should a guy equivalent or better than you financially settle for you?

I'm a great cook, educator (already sent one talented biological child to Ivy, and can send another set of kids, it won't be my own babies at this point but steps), wine&art connoisseur, can discuss many political and cultural topics with my partner; share their interests (if they align with mine such as tennis, skiing, reading, joint attendance of concerts, travel); can help out with his career and personal growth. I also have cute face, weigh 139 pounds at 5'9 height, still have 27' mid section and perky boobs, and love sex. Not sure if men bring the same to the table. Most just don't, otherwise I wouldn't beating them off with a stick from my door step. Had 2 marriage proposals in one year post divorce.

I would hope most men don't bring perky boobs to the table.

Wine and art connoisseur? Ok impressive. You can help a man with his career and personal growth?

Something doesn't feel right about your resume points. Could be the grammar slips but that could just be thumb typing.

2 marriage proposals so soon suggests you may be perceived by con artists as a target for a marriage scam.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my late twenties I was a normal weight and then lost 21 pounds. All of a sudden guys were coming out of the woodwork— everywhere I went. And guys I already knew were suddenly being even nicer to me. It was actually a really depressing lesson.

Normal nowadays is overweight. Why does it depress you that being a healthier fitter person is attractive?

You don't say why you lost the weight. Presumably because you were trying to improve your fitness and appearance. It worked.

It's highly neurotic to be depressed at getting healthier .

That isn’t what she means, you missed the point, and calling her neurotic is just rude. Find some manners, buddy.

She made herself a better fitter person and.the.fsct.thst she was far more attractive made.her depressed. That was her point.

What's your point? What imaginary point that that pp didn't make, do you think she made?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The reality is that the people who remain single are not socially attuned, sometimes in ways that may not always be visible to people not dating them. I bet some of them could be found autistic (high-functioning kind). I'm a scientist and met my husband in the lab. A lot of men there were socially-challenged. He has ASD. My son has ASD. It takes a certain type of person to look past that. If my husband were to use OLD and go on dates, he wouldn't be able to find anyone. He's not social at all, but at the time I met him, he had good looks and fitness working for him, we shared scientific interests, and we met in person, which is very important to build a rapport with someone who isn't social.

When you start off with certain social challenges, sometimes a lifetime is not enough to meet your significant other. The statistics work against you, and OLD is a killer.

So sounds like someone with ASD needs to meet their spouse whilst doing their academic hyper interest, hurry up propose, get married, and lock in a kid before any basic life incapabilities get discovered.

That’s what I did. Still working out

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those 45+, never married, single mom women. Had a fiancé who was so sweet, fit, smart, educated and loving. He also could only ask 5-10minutes in the bedroom. It was a major deal breaker for me. I wish I could have endured our sexual issues. I ended it and have never met another man who measures up character-wise.

I went on to have a kid with a fling. He was great in bed, but horrible character and values.

Now, I would like to get married to an older and loving man. But I have two homes, a solid retirement plan, and financially stable lifestyle. Getting married seems so risky. I meet men often and I have tried to secure long lasting relationships. My tolerance is very low. The last guy who I really loved would have these scary arguments with me. My stomach would get so sick after our arguments. He had a history of anger management and even walked out on his wife and two children (1 a newborn). I tried so hard to deal with it because we got along in other areas. But his anger created a big distance and I just decided to remain single instead of trying to push for more romance.

I do feel like a failure because I have not secured a husband. But all my married friends have tolerated infidelity, verbal abuse, unemployed husbands, addicts, criminal behavior or sexless marriages at some point in the relationship. I don't know what the right answers are. But I don't have the mental fortitude to deal with a partner who causes lots of volatility in my life.

Girl, you were right not to stay with the guy with anger issues. But be even quicker to pull the plug next time you see the anger and indications of bad character. Because every second you waste on a guy like that is time you could have spent on meeting someone healthier.

It is not "success" to be married to an abuser or tolerate infidelity, addiction, criminality, etc.

You are a success. The problem is that there are not that many men who have become successful humans (as opposed to successful professionals).

Anonymous wrote:We'll reach gender equality when dumb women find it entirely normal to say that a man was genuinely attractive facially but dumpy.

This could be said about a fair number of DC men. The rest are just ugly.